*Trigger* What am I becoming?

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by The_8th_Wonder, Dec 20, 2008.

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  1. The_8th_Wonder

    The_8th_Wonder senior Member

    All I think about is raping somebody. It's controlling me and it's who I am. Girls are too good for me; I'll never have a relationship and I'll never have a serious conversation with a girl. I have an urge for control and sex that I can't ignore and nothing can help it. The thought of her crying while I can do anything I want is a great feeling for me and I have dreams about it. I don't want to ruin somebodies life but every day these same thought continuously run through my head. It's okay I know what you're thinking - He's fucking sick and mental and should go burn in hell. You don't know what it's like to think these thoughts - It's fucking terrible and I need them to stop. I can't talk to anybody about this. I've tried to tell my parents that I want to freaking kill myself every day and I just can't go through with telling them about that so I can't tell them about this.
  2. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    yeah, I can see how this could be a triggering topic.:unsure:

    It sounds like your frustration's turning into anger. It happens, and as long as you just think about it, it's fine. you may even get in a relationship where that type of fantasy is appreciated. But so long as you acknowledge how fucked up and harmful rape, molestation, abuse is, and so long as you don't do anything to anybody else (or yourself) then that's fine.

    But...maybe posting it here was a bit silly? I think this area is designated for people who want to discuss the aftereffects of rape and abuse. Maybe...the uncertainty area? I don't know. I just don't think your questions can really be answered here, and it has the potential of really hurting people.

    Maybe one thing you can do is go out to a woman's shelter, don't tell the counselor why you want to go, but just listen to somebody, in person, describe how their lives were touched by rape. I don't know.

    Posting here is a bit like an incest fetishist posting here talking about her fantasy. But no judgment, mate, I just don't know what to suggest.

    We're cool.

  3. The_8th_Wonder

    The_8th_Wonder senior Member

    It said discuss all forms of rape and abuse here; It didn't say only make a thread here if you have been raped or abused so I figured it might go here.

    Anyways thanks for the piece of advice and yes I understand it's awkward to talk about.
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi 8thwonder. I think that the moderators will eventually close this thread out of consideration to the many women who have been sexually abused, but I'd like to discuss your sexual perversion. Do you watch rape-porn on the internet? Internet porn is so fucked up. If you can think about it, then chances are, that some sick fuck has already done it and recorded it. Maybe this topic should be moved into the sexual discussion forum? I don't think that you're a potential rapist or a sick fuck or anything, but I do think that you're turned on by rape-porn. Maybe you need to find someone who would be willing to pretend like you're raping her while you're having sex? :unsure:
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi the_8th_wonder,

    You really should get help for these thoughts. Have you considered seeing a counselor? Or even anonymously calling a helpline? Please do.
  6. camerondavid

    camerondavid Guest

    Hi 8th Wonder,

    Reading through your post reminds me a lot of myself, in all honesty. I had these thoughts and fantasies when I was younger. Although, I let them control me. And before I knew it, I was an actual rapist. Don't let these thoughts get to you. They may seem like nothing big at first, but this is where it starts for some people. Try focusing on other things. If you ever find yourself in a situation where you are having sex and taking control and begin hurting a girl, for your sake [and the girls'] just step back. I don't exactly see you as a potential threat, but like I said, this is how I started out. Anyway, if you do ever find yourself in a situation like that, think about what you're doing. You don't want to throw your life away just for some crazy wild fantasy. It's only a temporary pleasure. It fades quickly.
  7. Songie

    Songie Well-Known Member

    God...uh...I dont really know what I should say to that. My first response when i started to read it was exactly what you thought it would be. But then i continued reading. I can understand uncontrollable thoughts and urges. What i will tell you is this: thoughts do not define who you are. Actions do.
    my advice to you would be to talk to someone about it. As a multiple time rape victim, i really want to yell at you right now and tell you how fucked that is.But, i can see that you understand how it would affect people. I know that the urges are there, but that doesnt mean that you have to succumb to them. You will find a girl. And there are alot of girls that are really into that kind of stuff. You would probably like certain types of dominatrix. I would definately recommend that to you. i hope you will talk to someone about this, and hopefully it will help. If you ever need to talk you can email me at sandra_michelle_bennett@yahoo.com

    MUCH LOVES! :)
  8. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    First of all, there is nothing wrong with the thoughts that you're having. The thoughts are just thoughts. Thoughts may lead to action may lead to consequences, but that is all.
    I would also suggest that you get some counseling for this. Not so much for stopping the thoughts because they are bad, but so that you will feel better about yourself. I have had these thoughts too, and wanting to have control like that... there are a lot of issues buried underneath that. Feeling powerless in childhood, etc.
    Remeber always that you are NOT a bad person for these thoughts, that you only may want to get help so that you may be at ease. These thoughts seem to be causing you anxiety and pain, so I would again suggest getting help working through these because it can be confusing when you don't know why you have them and where they come from. But know they come from somewhere (most likely childhood stuff). What isn't linked back to childhood when you think about it?

    best of luck
    with all my love
  9. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Really inappropriate topic here.

    As someone who was abused I don't think this should be here.
    Just my feelings.

  10. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I agree, but it's up to the moderators to close this thread. I think it should be moved to the soap box.
  11. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Ok am closing this at members request, if you disagree with decision please post in letters
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