I´ve done it again, Last night in my bed, with the fresh air touching my skin. I want everything ends for me, i wanna stay on bed all day and hurt myself untill my body shows the scars of my heart and the pain of my soul. I´ve reopened my old scars too, and i did one little cut on my face this time(easy to explain ´cause i´ve have a cat) It hurts SI but it hurts more feeling like this Every night, why every night? i used to control it, i used to do it once a week, and now, nor a sinlge night pass without doing it. Blood flushing out likethe water of the river, so red, so beautifull. It feels so damn good, so relaxing.Why i am addict to it? And i DO have reasons to lve, but i don´t care about it. My boyfriend and i are plannig to move togheter, i haven´t too many familiar problems,i work, but i just don´t care. i feel stupid right now because all of you have motive for being sad,. but not me, does it make me a crazy woman?May be again ´i didn´t go to (work again)two weeks and two days has past since last time i went. i´ll be fired i know. And now wverytime i cut i must do it deeper, because my arm doesn´t bleed so easily anymore. God!!! more than 4 years has past since my first cut, and now...i´m a lost soul now wondering around everywhere and nowhere. i just don´t want to see anybody, i don´t want to eat, or sleep, i don´t dance anymore and i don´t paint anymore. i don´t do anything but cut. and now i must clean the mess i´ve just done. anyway Thank you blackfire, you are the one who make my nights better, and i wanted to tell you that i won´t kill myself...i´m a coward. I love you Blackfire. hang in there with me and i´ll do the same.