Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Jenny, Feb 12, 2007.

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  1. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    bad language too

    i'm a stupid fucking bitch.. i'm a bitch to everyone.. i truly am. not supportive (in real life).. judgemental.. bitch bitch bitch. i just fucking carved my arm up. feel the pain.. that's what i deserve. pain.

    people walk all over me cos i am worthless bitch who doesn't HAVE feelings. if i have them i don't SHOW them. instead i hurt inside. i hurt and cry and carve. i know the answer.. share my feelings.. blah blah, but it's hard. today my manager shouted at me for doing something he considered wrong. that pleased the slapping-fuck-wit-bitch i work with no end. rub it in, jenny's shit. make fun of me, i don't give a shit. i bring it on myself.

    if i could absorb back all the tears i've cried, there would be no oceans left on this pitiful earth.

    someone at work took an od.. i took a call from the nurse.. i wish it was me. one guy shot himself.. another hanged himself.. i wish it was me. but i can't. i never will.

    these precious things
    let them bleed
    let them wash away
    -tori amos-
  2. bunny

    bunny Staff Alumni

    you are not shit hun, nor are you a bitch, you are one of the most amazing people i have ever met, and im glad ive gotten to see your sense of humour with your friends, and your (bert) dancing, youre lots of fun and a great friend, im sorry youre having a bad time right now, i wish i could make things better for you cos you deserve it so much

    i know what you mean about sharing feelings being hard but theres better ways to help yourself than cutting even if its as simple as punching a pillow (if it helps imagine its the fuck-wit-bitch :wink:)

    i love ya loads Jenny, and i know others do too, esspecially that wonderful Trouble, i know she wouldnt want to see her mummy hurting, maybe a few hugs from her could help?

    please look after your arm hun, see someone if you need to :hug:

    im always just a text/PM/email away
  3. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    Aw Jenny :sad:

    I agree with bunny, you are such an amazing person. I love your sense of humour and bad jokes and your obsession with Next. You're a great person who I'm proud to have as a friend and I'm so glad that I met you. You are most certainly not shit. Want me to come to your work and scare the mean people? I also love you hun, you're one of the coolest people I've ever met :hug:
  4. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Jenny, you are most certainly not stupid, worthless, or deserving of pain - self inflicted or otherwise. I'd give my right arm to be there in person to hug you til you felt better... of course, without my right arm it would be a rather one sided hug...:rolleyes: I'm sorry for the assholes you work with - there are too many of them in the working world.:mad: PLease don't do any more damage to your arm or any other part of you. You are a valued friend and helper. You've always been there for me, now it's my turn to be there for you.:smile: I love you dearly, Jenny, please be gentle with yourself. You are a deserving worthy human being, you're just going thru hard times right now. Give yourself a break, please?:sad:

    love and hugs,:hug: :flowers: :hug:

  5. sadsong

    sadsong Staff Alumni

    Oh Jenny :hug:

    Wish i was there to give you a real hug. And to give that fuck-wit a piece of my mind!

    i am so sorry that you are hurting so bad right now, and no matter what you believe, you definately do not deserve it.

    I understand how hard it is when it feels like you're being walked all over, i've been there many times. And it is so hard. Just as it is so sooooo hard to open up. Bottling it up always seems like the easier option. All i can say is that i guess it does help, and know that i'm always gonna be there for you to listen if you want to have a rant or provide you with a shoulder to cry on.

    I really wish i could help you more than just by providing you with words. You are such a great person and someone i am proud to call a friend.

    You know where i am if you want me.
    love you
  6. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

    Aw Jenny :hug:

    I know that I've only spoken to you once (I think) but I already know that you're a lovely, caring, thoughful person. I'm sorry that you feel so bad and I wish I could say more and maybe something helpful (haha). I hope you feel better soon. Please take care.
  7. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    Wondering whether the job is very triggering for you Jenny?? Assuming not all these suicides have happened today?
    I have to say that your manager needs some techniques in managing staff if he's (a) shouting at you, and (b) doing so in front of other members of staff. I'd seriously think about taking him aside and pointing this out to him. What you DON'T do is give the bitch the satisfaction of seeing you're upset.
    Hope you feel better soon, hun!
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 12, 2007
  8. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    Dear Jenny,
    All words I could possibly speak are spoken above, all I have left to say is that I love you, I care a lot for you, I want you to stay safe, I wish you didn't hurt are in my thoughts and I hope and wish I could give you a real hug, in the meanwhile get a lot of these :hug: :hug: :hug:
    and please believe in you as I do!
  9. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Awwww Jenny :sad:

    I agree with what ever one else has said. Im allways here if you wanna talk. PM, or my email is in my in my profile. Or if you still have my number you can allways text me. :hug:
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