Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Vitreledonellidae, Jun 14, 2007.

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  1. Vitreledonellidae

    Vitreledonellidae Well-Known Member

    I want it so bad, I need it so bad
    I got the razor, I got the bandage
    Havent done it for months.
    Have this image in my head the whole day.
    Big deep cut, from wrist to elbow
    Seeing and feeling the blood floating out my body
    I want to see it, I want to feel it again
    Its what I want, its what I need
    Want to cut my right arm,
    so I have a good reason why I cant draw anymore
    I'm not scared to die, I'm scared to hurt my parents
    These thoughts, these images, held inside for months
    I know if I cut again I will end up in the hospital
    I dont want to hurt them again, hurt them more than I already do
    I want to be perfect for them, but thats imposseble
    Why do they love me? Why cant they hate me?
    Please hate me, so I can do it
    I'm sure they will hate me if I do it, I should do it
    So I can go a step further next time...
  2. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    You have fought the urge for a whole month hun. I know you are strong enough to keep fighting. If you need to talk to kind of get your mind off of it. I'm here to listen and try and help :hug: da julie
  3. Bud Leaf

    Bud Leaf Member

    Now one thing ive learned through my 19 year journey, is that your parents will never truly hate you, regardless how many times they can say they hate you. Here is what i did, my situation may not be the exact same but here goes.

    I am a self harmer through burns, anything i can leave a 3rd degree scar with. i dont live with my parents, but i talked to them about this issue, stating clearly i am not going to kill myself, but i must keep burning. I must burn, i need to burn, as you need to cut, you feel you need to make the final cut, but trust me, there is too much love in your family wether you see it, hear it, feel it or not, its there and you know it is no matter how minimal.
    This is my first time on this site and am highly interested in helping others with there issues through experiences of my own. I am not a therapist of any type, but the fact is i am a living human being who won't judge you for any reason so please feel free to talk to me privatley about self harm, family, mental stability, or just simply someone to talk with that you know wont judge you and will only try to help.
  4. Vitreledonellidae

    Vitreledonellidae Well-Known Member

    First of all, welcome to sf :smile: Its nice to have a new member who wants to help and be there for others.
    I know they wont hate me. And i've tried to explain them too why I need it. But the thing is, my cuts are cuts, not some scratches they got deeper and deeper and they were right, it just works selfdistructing. I dont like it either when someone i care about from sf does it, but I can completely understand it. You dont want to see someone you love falling deeper and deeper in something like this. I'm sure you dont like to see that to someone you love. Anyway ofcourse my parents were right, thats what parents are for >.<
    I wish they could accept it. Because I need it so bad, I never really learned how to show my emotions, I used selfharm to solve that. So lately I can get just completely mad about the smallest things.
    I cut myself this week tho, a couple of times, not on my arms tho, have to hide it good again, so cut on my legs. Its just really hard not to think of it for just one day, especially when I feel like this.
    Bleh I dont know what to say anymore, but yeah I would like to talk with you privatly. Would like to know more about your situation too. Pm me if you like.
  5. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    hunni, your parents only want you to be safe, i know its hard for them to understand, its hard for anyone who isnt a self harmer to understand why you would do that to do yourself, you've done so well in trying to stop cutting, i can completely understand the urge to need it. As for the drawing, i think your an AMAZING artist. I love your drawings so damn much and to be perfectly honest i miss seeing your artwork on the forum. Your so talented and you should realise that.

    Love ya hun x
  6. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    I miss seeing them as well. I love your artwork. Always have.
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