Trigger

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by resistance, Dec 21, 2008.

  1. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    I've been trying to post about this for a while but kept cancelling it but now I'll just do it. I jhate myself, i really, really do hate myself to the core of my being I feel like I was put on this earth just to be used and any good i hear about myself, or anything good that does happen to me, I feel like I don't deserve it or people are lying because I just can't believe it. I really struggle to believe anything that is apparently good about it. I feel controlled by everything I do I can't let go I so fucking badly want to let go of things but I can't it's who I am. I feel infected, I just want to dig and dig and dig to get the toxins out of my body I hurt everyone. I upset people, I make people worry, why? Why do people care. People shouldn't care I feel so unworthy of peoples care. Gawd I fucking hate myself. It feels like my insides are screaming I so badly just want to give up. I want to hurt myself more I want to feel the pain I should be feeling I fucking hate myself.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Elaine,

    I'm sorry you feel this way:sad: You shouldn't hate yourself. You are an amazing,caring and awesome person. You always help everyone, please be kinder to yourself :hug:
     
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I'm sorry that you're feeling this way resistance. Loving yourself is easier said than done. But you shouldn't hate yourself, because I know that you're a good person. :hug:
     
  4. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    As I said in the text hun ... I care :) :hug:
     
  5. Rockster

    Rockster Guest

    You are one of the best people i know around here Elaine, try to remember that chat we had saturday night there is no reason that you should hate yourself but we are all here for you any time :hug:
     
  6. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Hey El-

    I can so relate to everything you've said in your post to the T. It's so hard at times to believe that you deserve any good in your life, but you do hun. You deserve the love you have and the love you'll gain throughout your life. You are a beautiful, beautiful girl(even if you find that hard to swallow) with so much to offer people. I for one would be heartbroken if you were not around.

    Be safe hun and I'm around if you need to talk.

    K
     
  7. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Aww hun loving ourselves is probably one of the hardest things to do. Outside forces always seem to convince us that we arent worthy of being loved and that all we can do is screw up things and the people around us. But here, we seem to be able to let the "real" us's out and from what I know of you Elaine.... you are one special, caring and loving person. So hun try to see that about yourself because so many of us here already see that. Please keep yourself safe and let out all or anything you need. We would love to help and support you through this.
     
  8. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    It frustrates me so much to read this because I think there is something within you that is very good and beautiful. The question to answer I suppose, is if you knew you could like yourself within say, three to six months, then would you? The feelings that you have, have I expect been built up during your childhood and have been rooted deep within you to the extent that you feel they're central to your identity. I don't think that this is the real you, but it's no good me saying that if you don't get to believe it. I have wanted to talk to you to see if I could help a bit, but I don't think you've been ready. And sometimes we're not ready for certain things. How about going into therapy? I know you mentioned it one time but not sure whether anything happened.
    Take care
    xx
     
  9. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Hey, you've never hurt or upset me. You come across to me as a caring and talented person and I've got no reason whatever to lie to you. Here for you if you want to chat.
     
  10. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    See your post and then see all the ones beneath it?
    Majority wins!

    I hope that you can begin to trust again that you are worthy. Whoever made you feel this way in the past gave you the wrong idea about yourself.

    You are lovable. At least tell yourself this. Everyone at SF would agree, that you are lovable. So who is right? Like I said, majority wins. Try to say I love you in the mirror, and you don't have to believe it, just try to say it. Or say it mentally. You don't have to believe it, because that's really tough and could be a long way down the road. But just say it and know it. One day you'll feel it. That's the road I'm on. I know I should trust. Now I just need to get that information from my head to my heart.

    You are a wonderful person to have on the forum and I hope you feel better.
    Glad you posted.
    :hug: