Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by Lone_walker, Jun 27, 2009.

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  1. Lone_walker

    Lone_walker Well-Known Member

    The words floating around his already vacant mind were the ones; “I tried, I tried”
    In a sudden epiphany of his depressive feeling for love, he sighed
    The popped up thought of the meaning of love in a world so young,
    The love of which is recognised mainly through obsessive sex and tongue.
    Day by day and night by night, he released the same sigh,
    In his mind was a girl, a girl in which he thought so high,
    A girl who’s brilliance and perfection shone brighter than the sun,
    A brilliance that shone the light towards the gun.
    In a final breath and a final thought of her he cried;
    I tried. I tried, it was as much as I could do. But I tried.
    He took the gun and pointed to his head, ushering a final breath
    As the lead filled bullet fulfilled his desire. Death.
    And with that final breath and his first ever shot,
    He had escaped the pain of his soul, that was left to rot.
  2. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    Well written! :hug:
  3. SmilePretty

    SmilePretty Staff Alumni

    but really good

    i like the way you rhymed things
  4. Lone_walker

    Lone_walker Well-Known Member

    Thank you
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Brilliant writing :) :hug:
  6. mixedemotions

    mixedemotions Forum Buddy

    thats really good

    Keep writing
  7. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    amazing writting...i like it..it touched me :hug:
  8. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    well done its amazing :hug:
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