Triggered by neighborhood rape

[alice202]

When I was in college someone attempted to sexually assault me. It happened in broad daylight. I screamed and the man took off running. Two young men were nearby and one of them chased the guy, while the other one came toward me. The attempted rape was reported, and a few months later the man was arrested. He had tried to assault 5 women. They prosecuted the two most serious crimes successfully and the attacker went to prison. He was not prosecuted for approaching me, but I testified against him in both trials. It was a satisfying experience to have the justice system work.

After that I got involved in a women's group that supports rape victims. I did that for seven years. I went to emergency rooms to support and comfort women who had just been sexually assaulted. So I heard many many stories about rape. Eventually I burned out and stopped doing this. It was too much of a negative focus for someone who is chronically depressed. And it made it harder to trust men.

So now its 40 years later. Yes, you heard that right. I am still wary about men, and careful about my safety.

Last weekend a college student was beaten and raped in my city. She was walking home from a late night out with friends and a random stranger sexually assaulted her and nearly beat her to death. Witnesses heard a commotion and found her naked, bloodied, and unconscious. There was a man standing nearby who said he found her that way, and then he took off. Three days later he was arrested and charged. He is now in jail. She is in the hospital in a medically induced coma. She is expected to survive.

Turns out that there were plenty of cameras in the neighborhood that caught him following her. He is a college graduate with no criminal record. Said he was "seeing red" and wasn't sure if he raped her or not. But the forensic evidence says he did. Before last weekend he was a regular person with a regular job.

I want to know how a man can carry such rage towards women that they just decide to rape and beat a young woman they don't even know on the spur of the moment. I just can't wrap my head around it. It makes me feel like all women, any where, any time, any place, are subject to the free-floating rage of men. What actually happened to me was mild compared to what happened to this young woman. But it did leave me with a permanent sense of vulnerability that I cannot shake. Its why I have a somewhat intimidating dog who occasionally nips people. I can't defend myself very well at this age, but if someone were in my apartment and I came home with my dog, he'd go nuts. And I wouldn't try to stop him.

I feel like the world is a very dangerous place for women and we walk around most of the time pretending that its not. I don't understand it.

Alice

 

[KM76710]

The world and the human race is and always has been dangerous. It is something to always be prepared. It does seem like more people just seem to have the entire do whatever they just feel like attitude and entitled behavior to act out however. You see rage of all types now. Road rage, neighbor rage, etc. People have always been badly behaving but it seems like they are more empowered by society especially in not really punishing them so much.

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

When I was in college someone attempted to sexually assault me. It happened in broad daylight. I screamed and the man took off running. Two young men were nearby and one of them chased the guy, while the other one came toward me. The attempted rape was reported, and a few months later the man was arrested. He had tried to assault 5 women. They prosecuted the two most serious crimes successfully and the attacker went to prison. He was not prosecuted for approaching me, but I testified against him in both trials. It was a satisfying experience to have the justice system work.

After that I got involved in a women's group that supports rape victims. I did that for seven years. I went to emergency rooms to support and comfort women who had just been sexually assaulted. So I heard many many stories about rape. Eventually I burned out and stopped doing this. It was too much of a negative focus for someone who is chronically depressed. And it made it harder to trust men.

So now its 40 years later. Yes, you heard that right. I am still wary about men, and careful about my safety.

Last weekend a college student was beaten and raped in my city. She was walking home from a late night out with friends and a random stranger sexually assaulted her and nearly beat her to death. Witnesses heard a commotion and found her naked, bloodied, and unconscious. There was a man standing nearby who said he found her that way, and then he took off. Three days later he was arrested and charged. He is now in jail. She is in the hospital in a medically induced coma. She is expected to survive.

Turns out that there were plenty of cameras in the neighborhood that caught him following her. He is a college graduate with no criminal record. Said he was "seeing red" and wasn't sure if he raped her or not. But the forensic evidence says he did. Before last weekend he was a regular person with a regular job.

I want to know how a man can carry such rage towards women that they just decide to rape and beat a young woman they don't even know on the spur of the moment. I just can't wrap my head around it. It makes me feel like all women, any where, any time, any place, are subject to the free-floating rage of men. What actually happened to me was mild compared to what happened to this young woman. But it did leave me with a permanent sense of vulnerability that I cannot shake. Its why I have a somewhat intimidating dog who occasionally nips people. I can't defend myself very well at this age, but if someone were in my apartment and I came home with my dog, he'd go nuts. And I wouldn't try to stop him.

I feel like the world is a very dangerous place for women and we walk around most of the time pretending that its not. I don't understand it.

Alice

I totally get it. In my early 20s I volunteered at a rape crisis line. It was deeply disturbing although certainly educational. I had been sexually assaulted as a young teenager, but not raped.

On the one hand - assaults like that college student endured (by a stranger) are relatively rare. They tend to get tougher sentences.

On the other hand - out of 50+ women I spoke to who were *recently* raped, only one went to the police. Most were date rapes, or raped by people they knew (bosses, friends). Some of them were fed drugs or alcohol first.

Most went home and had a shower and waited 3 days in shock before calling for help. Any evidence was destroyed.

Luckily in the past 20 years things have gotten a lot better in some ways. High school and college students get educated about consent. In the modern, western world most people don't think that a woman who is passed out drunk at a party "deserves it."

On the other hand, spiking drinks has gotten more common. My hairdresser told me a story about her daughter (a nursing student) who was at a bar with friends and got fed drugs somehow even though only the bartender and waiter had handled her drink. Luckily her friends knew something was wrong and protected her.

If you read about rape throughout history (which I don't recommend) it will be clear that the situation has always been awful. I'm not sure the modern world is really any worse. Sure, there are Incels who hate women and get support online from other Incels. But overall I hope that misogyny is now recognized as unacceptable hate, and that women are recognized as human beings.

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

p.s. I sure hope that poor young woman in hospital makes a full recovery.

Rape is a hate crime. It is not just done out of lust. It is done out of hate-fuelled lust.

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

The world and the human race is and always has been dangerous. It is something to always be prepared. It does seem like more people just seem to have the entire do whatever they just feel like attitude and entitled behavior to act out however. You see rage of all types now. Road rage, neighbor rage, etc. People have always been badly behaving but it seems like they are more empowered by society especially in not really punishing them so much.

Actually I think public awareness of rape and crimes against women is higher than it has ever been. When I was growing up, women who accused men of rape were disbelieved or even slut-shamed. At least in my part of the world that just isn't seen as okay any more.

But of course any amount of progress always starts a backlash. And unfortunately in some cases now people are found guilty without a trial which isn't okay either. We had a case here in Canada where a man who was accused of assaulting women lost his career and is shunned even after being found "not guilty" - and nobody ever accused him of rape.

 

[Sunspots]

Sexual assault, whether rape or otherwise, is a truly hideous crime. It's based on hate, rage and the need to punish and humiliate totally innocent victims (female and male).

I was raped at knifepoint on my way home from school. It lasted for several hours and I really thought he was going to kill me. Despite what I'd always thought, I didn't fight or scream or shout, I just froze. I was quite badly injured and by time I made it home it was obvious to my mum that something awful had happened. I did report it to the police and despite me giving a good description of him and his car, he was never found.

It's funny, I thought I'd handled it really well and that it didn't have the devastating effects that other women seem to be left with. But looking back now that I'm in my 50s and have had lots of therapy for long standing depression I can see now how much damage it really did cause. Not only did it leave me with a huge distrust of older men (which thankfully has gone as I've aged too) but it left me very dependent on people who I felt safe with physically, even if they were abusive in other ways.

 

[Butterfly]

When I was 12 I was walking home from school when a man approached me and asked if I was out for business. Yes. Broad daylight in my school uniform. Luckily we had an electrician in our house doing some work and he scared him off. I was terrified.

 

[alice202]

Sexual assault, whether rape or otherwise, is a truly hideous crime. It's based on hate, rage and the need to punish and humiliate totally innocent victims (female and male).

I was raped at knifepoint on my way home from school. It lasted for several hours and I really thought he was going to kill me. Despite what I'd always thought, I didn't fight or scream or shout, I just froze. I was quite badly injured and by time I made it home it was obvious to my mum that something awful had happened. I did report it to the police and despite me giving a good description of him and his car, he was never found.

It's funny, I thought I'd handled it really well and that it didn't have the devastating effects that other women seem to be left with. But looking back now that I'm in my 50s and have had lots of therapy for long standing depression I can see now how much damage it really did cause. Not only did it leave me with a huge distrust of older men (which thankfully has gone as I've aged too) but it left me very dependent on people who I felt safe with physically, even if they were abusive in other ways.

I'm sorry this happened to you. The effects are different for different people, but I think the ability to trust is central. Being brought to a moment where you fear your life is going to end is also very traumatic.

During the 7 years I worked as an advocate for rape victims I never saw a single successful prosecution. If its not a good "case" the police don't even try. So my experience of going to court and sending someone to prison was atypical. For most victims there is fear that it will happen again because that person is still out there.



Alice

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

Sexual assault, whether rape or otherwise, is a truly hideous crime. It's based on hate, rage and the need to punish and humiliate totally innocent victims (female and male).

I was raped at knifepoint on my way home from school. It lasted for several hours and I really thought he was going to kill me. Despite what I'd always thought, I didn't fight or scream or shout, I just froze. I was quite badly injured and by time I made it home it was obvious to my mum that something awful had happened. I did report it to the police and despite me giving a good description of him and his car, he was never found.

It's funny, I thought I'd handled it really well and that it didn't have the devastating effects that other women seem to be left with. But looking back now that I'm in my 50s and have had lots of therapy for long standing depression I can see now how much damage it really did cause. Not only did it leave me with a huge distrust of older men (which thankfully has gone as I've aged too) but it left me very dependent on people who I felt safe with physically, even if they were abusive in other ways.

That is horrible. I'm glad at least that you didn't keep it a secret and that your mum was there for you. I'm shocked the police didn't try harder to find him. I can't imagine how many girls' lives he must have ruined.

 

[alice202]

I totally get it. In my early 20s I volunteered at a rape crisis line. It was deeply disturbing although certainly educational. I had been sexually assaulted as a young teenager, but not raped.

On the one hand - assaults like that college student endured (by a stranger) are relatively rare. They tend to get tougher sentences.

On the other hand - out of 50+ women I spoke to who were *recently* raped, only one went to the police. Most were date rapes, or raped by people they knew (bosses, friends). Some of them were fed drugs or alcohol first.

Most went home and had a shower and waited 3 days in shock before calling for help. Any evidence was destroyed.

Luckily in the past 20 years things have gotten a lot better in some ways. High school and college students get educated about consent. In the modern, western world most people don't think that a woman who is passed out drunk at a party "deserves it."

On the other hand, spiking drinks has gotten more common. My hairdresser told me a story about her daughter (a nursing student) who was at a bar with friends and got fed drugs somehow even though only the bartender and waiter had handled her drink. Luckily her friends knew something was wrong and protected her.

If you read about rape throughout history (which I don't recommend) it will be clear that the situation has always been awful. I'm not sure the modern world is really any worse. Sure, there are Incels who hate women and get support online from other Incels. But overall I hope that misogyny is now recognized as unacceptable hate, and that women are recognized as human beings.

I think you and I have had some parallel experiences. During the era in which I was a rape victim advocate there were a lot of positive changes made. Medical personnel and police have been trained to understand sexual assault so that they don't further traumatize the victim. I think victims have been encouraged to go for medical care immediately and report the crime. The training on campuses took place after I was done with school.

I actually worked on a rape hotline in one city, and in emergency rooms in another city after I moved. In the first one we got callers, many of whom did not report to the police. In many cases they knew their attacker, and they anticipated that nobody would believe them. And some of these were pretty shocking: a woman raped by a police officer (who she knew) at a party. He taunted her, saying "Who are you going to call? Do you think anyone will believe a cop raped you?" Another one took a ride home from the bouncer at a club on New Years Eve because her boyfriend was too drunk to drive. But he raped her on the way home. She became pregnant and kept the baby.

When I was volunteering in a large city I was going to Emergency Rooms, so the rapes were always reported. But that doesn't mean there were prosecutions. If they get DNA from the victim then you might catch them after they commit another rape. I once had a situation where two police officers physically interrupted the rape of a homeless woman. Nobody denied it was a rape, but since she had a history of prostitution, the charges were reduced to "simple battery". The detective told me you can't prosecute a class X felony without a good witness. What if the person is, by definition, not a good witness? If she is mentally challenged or has a history of prostitution? Then, you cannot prosecute him. So he is free to keep raping other women. It makes me sick.

Sometimes the really horrible ones don't get caught, or don't get caught for a long time. If there had been no witnesses, this woman might have bled to death or woken up hours later having no idea what happened. There was a graduate student who was badly beaten, raped, and left for dead about 5 years ago. She reported it but the perpetrator was never caught. She ended up leaving town. I presume he's still out there somewhere.

I know, I sound really negative. That's why I had to stop doing the advocacy. And when I hear about something awful happening it all comes up again. Alice.

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

I think you and I have had some parallel experiences. During the era in which I was a rape victim advocate there were a lot of positive changes made. Medical personnel and police have been trained to understand sexual assault so that they don't further traumatize the victim. I think victims have been encouraged to go for medical care immediately and report the crime. The training on campuses took place after I was done with school.

I actually worked on a rape hotline in one city, and in emergency rooms in another city after I moved. In the first one we got callers, many of whom did not report to the police. In many cases they knew their attacker, and they anticipated that nobody would believe them. And some of these were pretty shocking: a woman raped by a police officer (who she knew) at a party. He taunted her, saying "Who are you going to call? Do you think anyone will believe a cop raped you?" Another one took a ride home from the bouncer at a club on New Years Eve because her boyfriend was too drunk to drive. But he raped her on the way home. She became pregnant and kept the baby.

When I was volunteering in a large city I was going to Emergency Rooms, so the rapes were always reported. But that doesn't mean there were prosecutions. If they get DNA from the victim then you might catch them after they commit another rape. I once had a situation where two police officers physically interrupted the rape of a homeless woman. Nobody denied it was a rape, but since she had a history of prostitution, the charges were reduced to "simple battery". The detective told me you can't prosecute a class X felony without a good witness. What if the person is, by definition, not a good witness? If she is mentally challenged or has a history of prostitution? Then, you cannot prosecute him. So he is free to keep raping other women. It makes me sick.

Sometimes the really horrible ones don't get caught, or don't get caught for a long time. If there had been no witnesses, this woman might have bled to death or woken up hours later having no idea what happened. There was a graduate student who was badly beaten, raped, and left for dead about 5 years ago. She reported it but the perpetrator was never caught. She ended up leaving town. I presume he's still out there somewhere.

I know, I sound really negative. That's why I had to stop doing the advocacy. And when I hear about something awful happening it all comes up again. Alice.

You don't sound negative. Most people live in blissful ignorance, and lucky them. When you've had the kind of experience we've had of dealing with victims, it colors your view of the world.

And yes - many rapists are men in powerful positions and that's how they get away with it. Police, religious leaders, employers, businessmen. Most women who get raped are in lower socio-economic positions than their rapist. Lots of prostitutes (often underage), disabled women, women of color.

Rapists are the ultimate cowards - they only rape women who they think can't fight back, or nobody will believe.

When you've faced a disabled woman in a wheelchair emitting screams of agony and rage because her baby is in danger of being seized by social services - to hand over to the man (a social worker himself) who raped her. It changes your view of the world. To say the least.

People don't think of the implications of the fact that most rapists aren't charged or convicted - and if they find out about a child they can sue for custody or visitation. Working with rape victims made me utterly committed to the legal right to abortion. Because if you outlaw abortions except in cases of rape and incest, how is a woman supposed to prove after the fact that she didn't consent? Given that most victims of rape and incest never tell anyone at the time it happens.

Honestly most of the time I just have to forget about this stuff. I understand why it's easier for most people to just blame the victim rather than accepting that many men in power are predators. Men who are known and admired. And women are taught to fear the wrong men entirely - men of colour, poor men. Not that such men do not rape but they rarely rape someone outside of their own race or class.

Anyway this is just stream of thought but you are not alone in feeling not only the sadness for victims but the outrage at any society that allows this stuff to keep happening.