triggered myself

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by lost_child, May 21, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Doesnt Matter Csause I Dont Mattewr
    Last edited by a moderator: May 21, 2008
  2. nedflanders

    nedflanders Well-Known Member

    Dunno what you did to trigger yourself, but I do it all the time. It's just a feature of my personality--I try to make things worse for myself.
  3. Gunner12

    Gunner12 Well-Known Member

    But you do matter.
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You do matter lost_child. Would you feel better if you talked about what happened to make you think you are a bad person? I don't see you as bad at all. i see you as a person who is experiencing a sense of despair and pain that is so deep it is almost unimaginable to those who have never been through it. This in no way makes you bad. Remember hun, your life is important. You do matter. :hug:
  5. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    do you know that my nan done things...dirty things cause I was dirty that's what she told me. this is disgusting and crude and you will hate me as much as i do right now. you know I was 12 and was changing into a women and was at nan's caravan she was always nasty and angry and done horrible things but this time she said i was dirty and knew i was having se* so she brought tamp**s and SHE put it in her. she made her sit for hours maybe a day on the floor in the living room. she had to sit with her back towards everyone, don't speak, not allowed to eat but she did have i think some water maybe juice some drink of some sort i think. the pain was bad my stomach was hutring real bad, i felt sick dizzy i feel that way now. i keep reliving. i'm sorry this is disgusting. i'm bad and dirty see, i don't matter. tomorrow i'm meant to have counselling and then go to hospital for a biospy but i think i want to die so if its cancer i will die, if its not i will die cause I will do it. i can't take no more. see weak. don't matter. horrible, nsty and dirty
  6. no point

    no point Well-Known Member

    Nobody will hate you because of what you went through lost child. I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now. I wish there was something I could do. :hug:
  7. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    :thatsit: I feel so alone I don't know what else to do at the moment. so isolated and scared of myself. I need to talk but have no friends, how sad and pathetic is that, 28 years old and has no friends or family that care. how do you move on when there's nothing to move on for? I might go for a long long long drive. i don't know what else to do. i hate that death consumes me, and yet it must be what i want or i wouldn't keep thinking abou it
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You did nothing to feel bad about lost_child. Your nan told you what she did to make it seem alright to her to hurt you She was lying to you and convinced you to believe her lies. They just that. Lies. Don't believe them anymore.
  9. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    you suffered so much as a child, but you don't need to keep punishing yourself. it's time for healing now. it will take time, to be sure, but you are so worth it. please do not give up.
  10. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    Lost child

    I am so glad to see you again been worried about you, i suffered at the hands of an evil person when i was a child and i know just how difficult it is to try and deal with those memories, but if you feel the way you are they are still holding the power and you are stronger than that as gentlelady said all the things said to us as children are done so to make the abuser feel better, they know its wrong so they try and blame the victim, often succeeding, but you are a good person and you have the strength within to fight this look just a little deeper hun and you will find it, let us help and support you to you are not alone sweetie

  11. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I don't have any fight, im living of painkillers and beer, i thought drinking and taken solphdol would make me go away but all its done is make me feel heavy. It doesn't feel that long ago that it happened it lives with me. i'm not that strong. no1 is expecting to see me now until wednesday so its home alone, curtains shut and drink a pint of solpadol. i'm so tired.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.