a friend of mine called me earlier. we met about a year ago in a local psych hospital, so we have a deep understanding of each other. anyway, she told me she wasn't feeling good and that she's having problems with her family, especially her mom. She lives alone, and she doesn't have a car either. she told me that she had just taken (one of her meds), and when i asked her she said she couldn't promise me she wouldn't take any more. she sounded really drowsy too. i told her i was going to call an ambulance for her, because she needed to go to the ER. she didn't want to. i told her that didn't matter and that i needed her to be safe. so i told her i was going to hang up and call 911. which i did. they came and got her. she texted me from the er and told me that not only had she taken more of those pills after i hung up, but also that they were sending her to the worst psych hospital here in town. it's the one that i absolutely refuse to go to. i feel terrible now. for one, the whole overdose thing was such a huge trigger. i have od'd several times in the past, and it's still something that pops in my mind sometimes. it was her first time going to the er with an overdose. the other thing is, i'm responsible for her going to that awful place. i feel so bad about that. i texted her and apologized, but that doesn't help her either now. and of course, i'm such a huge hypocrite. how can i force someone to live when i want to die? everything i said to her is the total opposite of how i really feel right now. is that waht a true friend does? force their friend to do something they don't want to? did i have the right to do that? i just don't know if it was okay for me to do that.