Triggered

[Flowerdream]

I'm extremely triggered right now. My 2 dogs had a fight over a bone and all hell broke loose between my housemate and me. It ended up in a slanging match, my dog vs hers and I tried to explain that we need to be on the same page but The vile that comes out of her mouth has triggered me massively. I'm trying not to react but she treating me like shit and speaking to me like you wouldn't even speak to your worst enemy.
I'm aware of how pathetic this shit actually sounds. The issue isn't the dogs, the issue is her nasty mouth. I can't handle her treating me like this and I don't know what to do. I've come to bed out of the way but I'm fuming. The stuff she says is so hurtful! I can't escape it. Then the thoughts kick in. I need to know how to handle this.

 

[Champagne]

Hi @Flowerdream You're doing the right thing by not reacting back to it and stooping to her level. Ignore her but stand up for yourself after you calm down hun. I'm sorry she is being so hurtful towards you and disrespectful, do you think writing an e-mail after calming down will help? Maybe explain to her that you are hurt by her words and would like her to show some respect? If its that nasty and is emotionally troubling you so much it kind of sounds like emotional abusive

For now, stay calm, be the bigger person and distract yourself and sleep on it and tackle it tomorrow with an e-mail or phone call because I think face to face wouldn't be the best idea for you hun.

You are a good, decent person and you deserve so much more, try and erase all her nasty words (I know it hard ) out of your mind and watch a movie for now. I'm glad you posted, never suffer in silence. 💜

 

[Flowerdream]

We live together. I can't escape her. I've told her all this is the past and she apologies and does it again months later and I can't handle it. I just asked could we talk about it and she compared me to my sister... she knows that's the worst thing she could of done. It literally took all my strength not to punch her I'm the face. I'm fjcking tempted! I haven't got a TV in my room all I have is my phone.
The problem isn't me or her. The problem, she's been not speaking to me all day because I've been decorating the kitchen for 3 days and it still isn't finished. Today I had to go do some running around so she isn't happy that I haven't finished it yet. This was just the icing on the cake.for her, so now she's got an excuse to be a fuckinf arsewhole with me. I'm gjna snap

 

[Flowerdream]

You know what, just thabj you for even answering me. I'm sorry I didn't say that

 

[Flowerdream]

I'm in a kind of funny mood. Well, no. I'm looking at shit differently.
If I don't give a fuck about anyone, I can't get hurt. If I don't care what anyone thinks, I won't be upset by the shit they say or do. I'll just do what I wanna do, instead of worrying about what anyone else thinks I should be doing.
I'm kinda at a crossroads, I can choose to keep putting up with this shit which im not anywhere near strong enough to deal with. Or I can just go to sleep and never wake up. Sounds nice that doesn't it?
Thing is, people in my life are better off without me. That's not a question, that's a fact. The level of anger people can and do show toward me... I really do upset people. I don't want to feel the level of utter despair I feel right now. I don't want to hurt anyone. I'm not prepared to keep doing this. Something is going to change.
Anyway, maybe need some help but not really sure how to go about getting it or if I even should. Maybe I can deal with it on my own? We'll see.

 

[Lane]

I'm in a kind of funny mood. Well, no. I'm looking at shit differently.
If I don't give a fuck about anyone, I can't get hurt. If I don't care what anyone thinks, I won't be upset by the shit they say or do. I'll just do what I wanna do, instead of worrying about what anyone else thinks I should be doing.
I'm kinda at a crossroads, I can choose to keep putting up with this shit which im not anywhere near strong enough to deal with. Or I can just go to sleep and never wake up. Sounds nice that doesn't it?
Thing is, people in my life are better off without me. That's not a question, that's a fact. The level of anger people can and do show toward me... I really do upset people. I don't want to feel the level of utter despair I feel right now. I don't want to hurt anyone. I'm not prepared to keep doing this. Something is going to change.
Anyway, maybe need some help but not really sure how to go about getting it or if I even should. Maybe I can deal with it on my own? We'll see.

She is way out of line @Flowerdream and should realize that those things happen between animals. Like @Champagne said dont stoop to her level.

You know, her anger is hers, it dwells inside of her. You seem to be the object because you live so close. Can you start to think about other solutions down the line? You sound so intelligent and like a good dog mom, I know that you want what's best for everyone and maybe it's getting the heck away from your crazy roomate, maybe not tomorrow but down the line.

 

[Flowerdream]

You are right and yes I should really be away from her. The problem is me, I just can't seem to do it. I dunno why, a million and one reasons maybe. I know I would and should be better away from her. I guess I havnt got the strength for that? I dunno. Fear?

 

[1964dodge]

i'm sorry that you are going through this @Flowerdream , you don't deserve it. is there any way you can move and live alone or with another roommate? you should try to work with her and use a code word for when she crosses the line. and not getting into it with her is smart. i hope she can start to treat you with respect.

mike...

 

[Flowerdream]

I know I should, I really do know. I just can't seem to do it..I shouldn't even be moaning about it really when I'm not prepared to do anything about it.

 

[Lane]

I know I should, I really do know. I just can't seem to do it..I shouldn't even be moaning about it really when I'm not prepared to do anything about it.

You can surely verbalize all you need to. I'm sorry that you're dealing with this. You will know when you've had enough.

 

[Dinolaur]

I'm in a kind of funny mood. Well, no. I'm looking at shit differently.
If I don't give a fuck about anyone, I can't get hurt. If I don't care what anyone thinks, I won't be upset by the shit they say or do. I'll just do what I wanna do, instead of worrying about what anyone else thinks I should be doing.
I'm kinda at a crossroads, I can choose to keep putting up with this shit which im not anywhere near strong enough to deal with. Or I can just go to sleep and never wake up. Sounds nice that doesn't it?
Thing is, people in my life are better off without me. That's not a question, that's a fact. The level of anger people can and do show toward me... I really do upset people. I don't want to feel the level of utter despair I feel right now. I don't want to hurt anyone. I'm not prepared to keep doing this. Something is going to change.
Anyway, maybe need some help but not really sure how to go about getting it or if I even should. Maybe I can deal with it on my own? We'll see.

The problem is not you my lovely, it’s others. She sounds like a disrespectful piece of *inserts bad word* you know what I mean *yes

she sounds awful, why do you share a flat/house with someone like this? She sounds manipulative and sounds like it she doesn’t get her own way she throws all her toys out the pram. You’re better than this

 

[Flowerdream]

You can surely verbalize all you need to. I'm sorry that you're dealing with this. You will know when you've had enough.

I've spoken to her at length, I've spoken to her again today over text to avoid arguing again. She apologises, and I apologise and jts ok for a bit. I try being honest and tell her how it makes me feel. I try telling her I can't handle the arguments and the pure hatred and somehow it always makes me feel bad, like I'm in the wrong.
Anyway, yeah, sorry for moaning

 

[Flowerdream]

The problem is not you my lovely, it’s others. She sounds like a disrespectful piece of *inserts bad word* you know what I mean *yes

she sounds awful, why do you share a flat/house with someone like this? She sounds manipulative and sounds like it she doesn’t get her own way she throws all her toys out the pram. You’re better than this

This is a really good description. I agree. But I also feel bad, I'm bad mouthing her. I know, I know, I can't help it, I wish I could.

 

[Lane]

I've spoken to her at length, I've spoken to her again today over text to avoid arguing again. She apologises, and I apologise and jts ok for a bit. I try being honest and tell her how it makes me feel. I try telling her I can't handle the arguments and the pure hatred and somehow it always makes me feel bad, like I'm in the wrong.
Anyway, yeah, sorry for moaning

I think you handle it perfectly and maturely @Flowerdream. You're not moaning, this is where you and your sweet dog live so it's very important. Also, it seems to be a reoccurring issue. Do you think she's capable of changing her behavior?

 

[Flowerdream]

I hope so, she never used to be like this. I'm hoping it's the menopause or sumat

 

[Lane]

I hope so, she never used to be like this. I'm hoping it's the menopause or sumat

When things get heated, can you ignore her? Maybe she enjoys the conflict.

 

[Lane]

I hope so, she never used to be like this. I'm hoping it's the menopause or sumat

I know menopause makes people emotional but only occasionally, I'm going through it now, but I have light symptoms. I dont know what sumat is. I remember my mother being more aggressive during menopause, but that's family

 

[Dinolaur]

This is a really good description. I agree. But I also feel bad, I'm bad mouthing her. I know, I know, I can't help it, I wish I could.

You’re definitely not bad mouthing someone when it’s the truth which it seems to be, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s like it with her own family as well

 

[Flowerdream]

can you ignore her

I do really really try, but sometimes I just lose it. Depends on how long it's gone on for I guess. This recently, I was looking at her and really really wanted to hurt her. I'm not violent. I did walk away. I went bed.

I dont know what sumat is

Sumat=something. Sorry That's my Manchester slang.

she’s like it with her own family as well

She is, but family is unconditional love so no matter what they move on and get over it. Somehow I get stuck sometimes.

 

[Dinolaur]

I do really really try, but sometimes I just lose it. Depends on how long it's gone on for I guess. This recently, I was looking at her and really really wanted to hurt her. I'm not violent. I did walk away. I went bed.

Sumat=something. Sorry That's my Manchester slang.

She is, but family is unconditional love so no matter what they move on and get over it. Somehow I get stuck sometimes.

Na not always. Sometimes family is toxic, she sounds toxic AF