Triggering...possibly. Awesome....absolutely

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by SuicideIsTheWrongOption, Mar 10, 2010.

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  1. SuicideIsTheWrongOption

    SuicideIsTheWrongOption Well-Known Member

    Why is it that this forum isn't listed with a "warning may trigger" cause is it easy to describe ones issues without triggering someone else?

    That being said, i'm messed up. I have issues with sex. I'm also a boy, so sex pops into my head every 5-20 minutes. depending on what i'm doing. If i'm doing nothing then it's every 5 minutes. Most of all i'm triggered when a friend of mine talks about sex, which is something i'm working on.

    The next most triggering aspect for me, is relationships, both friends and significant others. I feel that i've been shorted on both aspects. The friends i have, leave, the relationships i've been in, sucked. There is only one exception to both and well, that's the only friend/ex that i keep in contact with.

    Suffice it to say...my outlook for life...is very bleak. I don't forsee a meaningful relationship, nor a friendship, and i'm positive i'll get stuck at a job i don't like, when and if i finish college.

    Also :friendless: < best emocon ever.
     
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Can I ask what the issues are you have with sex?

    I'm sorry you struggle with friendships. Do you know what it is that causes the relationships to break down?

    When you're looking into the future, you are imagining the ultimate worst, but that doesn't mean that will happen. There is absolutely no evidence you'll get stuck in a job you don't like, or don't want to be in, and you also don't know what the future holds with people, who you will meet or what will happen. However, if you start with that perspective, then you may become your own self fulfilling prophecy. If you catch yourself thinking those things, try to counteract it with a rational thought after. So like if you find yourself thinking 'I'm only going to end up in a job I hate' then remind yourself after 'but there's no evidence that will happen, and if it does, I can fight for a different job and get to a job that I am happy in'.

    Life is changable and malleable so you can generally make changes if you fight for them.
     
  3. SuicideIsTheWrongOption

    SuicideIsTheWrongOption Well-Known Member

    My issues with sex. I've never done it, and at the same time it kinda scares the shit out of me. Not that sex is the basis of relationships (or not for good ones anyways), but it can complicate good relationships. There are so many things to consider when it comes to sex...technique, performance, phsyical size, reading your partner. Most of all STD's, 1 in 4 people have herpes. I'm clean and i like it that way.

    Relationships break down because i get randomly depressed and i shut myself in. And suprisingly i only have 1 friend who managed to stay friends with me despite all that.

    And i know that the future can hold anything. Which is why i have an 18 year plan. If i can change myself and my life in 18 years, get a decent job, decent relationships with friends or significant others, and most of all, if i don't feel depressed constantly, then i will not go through with my plan. Otherwise, i've got decent plan that can't fail.

    I really really wish sometimes that i could just....drug my family and my one friend sometimes...in such a way that they won't feel loss, or sorrow if i leave. Cuase i so badly want to leave, but i can't allow my death to hurt others, cause them the same pain i feel. that wouldn't be right.
     
  4. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I think maybe you are overthinking sex. that may be what is causing the fear, the or fear may cause the over thinking, or it might be a vicious cycle.

    Have you ever read any of those books that 'teach' you about sex. If you want to know about things like technique, then maybe that's the place to go. Physical size does not matter very much at all to be honest, I've heard of plenty of girls who prefer something smaller, whereas men seem to think that the bigger the better. Not always the case. You can have safe sex, like always ensure you wear a condom, and that should help keep you safe.

    Do you know why you shut yourself in? What happens if you try and push through that and reach out to people? I too have had pretty much everyone walk away when I have retreated, and it hurts, but some people do stick around. I think the more people understand, the more they can stick with it, so communication is especially important.
     
  5. SuicideIsTheWrongOption

    SuicideIsTheWrongOption Well-Known Member

    I overthink a lot of things, and i know my overthinking of sex is causing the fear...but i can't help it..i can't forget what i already know.

    And i have a very large theoretical knowledge of sex (or i think i do) because of what i know from books/instructional videos and so on...which is also part of what causes the fear. theortical knowledge isn't the same as experience, but from my learning process i know that bigger isn't better, but there is a certain size for most women that is a good size, and i'm not sure i'll measure up. generally 5.5-7" is the right size...given my knowledge of anatomy. meh...i dunno...i kinda wish i was asexual and was able to find a relationship where we could truly love eachother without the need for sex. cuase that'd probably just ruin it :/

    I do it for lots of reasons, but i also feel like i'm the one who does all the work in friendships...like i'm the one who goes out and sees them and when i retreat they don't bother trying to pull me out of it. But then again, i don't make friends with people who i think would understand something like that...not to mention it would destroy the persona i play, showing weakness of any kind would be bad.
    That explains why i have so few close friends i can actually talk to, or open up to.
     
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