Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by RainbowChaser, Jun 22, 2007.

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  1. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

    In a few days time it'll be my first year anniversary from when I had my nervous breakdown. I'm so close to having a second one over it, I swear.

    It was the day that my whole world came crashing down, the day where I realised that everything I had done to make the whole sexual assault bit better was a complete waste of the thirteen and a half months I'd been doing it for.

    In that year since I have lost serveral friends and three jobs, all because of how I've reacted to that. Everytime I've built my life up a little, it's been demolished by the fact that I can't be left alone with more than one man. Hell, even just the one is bad if I don't know them.

    I don't know what to do anymore. I need to work (I have so very little choice in the matter), but right now I do't think I could keep a job to save my life. Which is brilliant, because if I could hold down a job, it probably would save my life.

    I don't know how I'm meant to do this, any of this :cry:
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 22, 2007
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    The 13 months havent been a waste, you just havent come to terms with it all yet and/or maybe the therapy wasn't the right one for you.
    Getting over sexual assault can take years without the proper therapist, but it can be done hun (me =living proof).

    This might sound odd, but have you thought of learning a martial art? I found that learning to defend myself and fight off any wouldbe attacker gave my confidence a boost and made me less afraid of men I didnt know....just a thought. :hug:
  3. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

    Those first 13 months were a waste - I stayed with the guy who assaulted me and did everything I could to make it better. I even fell in love with the guy. But considering he dumped me when I lost practically my sex drive due to the depression... Yeah, I'd call that a waste.

    Well, two years and counting right now, who'd have thought it? I guess some of the stuff that happened after that makes it seem like less.

    I could defend myself again most men quite easily, mainly because of my weight (I weigh more than most of the UK Gladiators, with the exception of Warrior). That and my thighs, which no one wants to mess with, and the fact that I can run like hell over short distances.

    I guess I just don't want to get into a situation like that again, even if I can escape from it. That and being scared of men from a very young age (different story entirely) hasn't really helped :sad:
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Part of what may be going on for you is the fact that an anniversary is approaching. These are hard to deal with and sometimes we relive the things that happened. You have gooten out of that relationship and are ready to move on to different phase of life. You have taken many steps forward and a few backwards, but I have faith in you that you can continue on the forward path and eventually reach your finish line and claim your victory over all of this. The race is not an easy one, and as with your last race, you have started with blisters on your feet. You overcame them in your relay, you will overcome them in your life as well. Stay strong dear. You are amazing. :hug:
  5. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

    I'm everything but amazing. Everything's upsetting me. No-one seems to realise that I'm fragile as hell right now, but that's my fault too I guess.
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    It isn't your fault sammie. You can't control what upsets you. What you can do is try to control the reaction you have toward it. :hug:
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