I promise one day I would write this. Here goes. I don't really understand this anymore. It feels like I'm split in half. All the time. There's half of me that sits back and watches, like a dark figure in the corner of the room, while someone else runs my body. I dont know anyone around me. Sometimes I'll wake up and not remember the previous week. I've always had trouble sleeping Now I'm always tired but can never fall asleep, or when i do, Its restless and I wake up in frequent intervals. The release of suicide is so appealing, it might make my mouth water if I think about it too hard, but all I hear is NO NO NO all these sites, people, everything. They all tell you to stop. That there's always a better way, but there's not. I know they're lying. there is so much hate in here I can't even put the feeling into words. It's like <Method> except longer and darker. A black expanse of space that consumes and digests you with slow, wide jowels. I need to hear someone tell me that I should die I need the abuse, to know im not going crazy, because i can't do anything right I'm worthless, and I hate myself, with a passion so deep and inpenitrable, no one could possibly understand. Stop telling me I'm skinny. Stop telling me I'm smart. Stop telling me I'm pretty. Stop telling me compliments. Stop telling me lies. See? That's not normal to want abuse- to repeatedly punch yourself in the face because you're so full of suffocating blackness and hate that you can't stand breathing because you're a waste of air. Move it to suicide forum if you want, but I don't think it belongs there.