I'm suicidal, of course. Dangerously suicidal. I work like a boat. Happiness on one side, darkness and desair on the other. If you tip me towards the happy side, once you let go, I tip far into the darkness. I fear one day, that the boat will capsize, so to speak. I fear that day has come. I've begun cutting, deeply cutting myself. I've never cut anymore than the surface before, cuz of the pain, but now its bad, really bad. i'm bleeding. I have been diagnosed with six different abnormalities, catatonic schizofrenia, and paranoia are the major ones. I fear death. I fear it is coming soon.