I was having just a horrible end of the day yesterday, and I couldn't fight off the urge. Apparently I am not exactly satisfied with what I use to do. I want to do much worse, and so I aim for that. I wanted to be badly injured, and I didn't exactly reach that, but I did worse than I am use to doing. I had an accident once, not too long ago, and I caused a lot more damage than I intended. I panicked, but I felt so much better. :dry: I really have sunk low. I wanted to repeat the performance (and unfortunately did) as that was the worst I ever did, and I aim for that, but I fail almost every time. Now its an obsession, a sick obsession. :sad: I don't know what to do with myself. I'm sorry for posting here.