Triggers

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by rtrt46546565, Oct 15, 2013.

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  1. rtrt46546565

    rtrt46546565 Well-Known Member

    My number one trigger is music. It doesn't matter what type of mood I'm in, music can always easily change it. Whenever I'm actually feeling okay, one song can bring me way down. Sometimes it doesn't even matter what type of song it is. If it's an upbeat song, I'll be reminded of how I don't feel upbeat inside and I'll get down. If it's a love song, I'll be reminded of how alone I am and I'll get down. If it's a sad song, well that can make me get down to the point where I cry. I love music but man can it be triggering for me.

    My biggest trigger after that is reading about/seeing how happy other people are, especially if they're people I know. If I read somewhere about how happy someone is and/or how great their life is(which I don't think is wrong of them to talk about or anything), I'll be reminded of how unhappy I am and how shit my life is and I'll get down. Same goes for seeing people's happiness/great lives in public. Sometimes I don't even like watching certain shows/movies/YouTube videos because the happiness I see in them just gets me down.


    Anyway, I'm just curious what your guys' triggers are and how you deal with them and stuff.
     
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I have tons of triggers...sometimes music can trigger me, but it's weird because I like to listen to depressing music when I'm already down. It doesn't make me feel any worse, but if might if I'm in a good mood. Movies can trigger me, even though I love watching them, but I can get especially triggered by depictions of suicide or attempts. Books can trigger me if I can relate them to situations I'm dealing with. I can be triggered by happiness, but sometimes it just makes me want to attain that kind of happiness. Dealing with some people and how they make me feel, particularly family, sets me off. I can also be set off by some peoples negative opinions about me, such as lately how some people seem to think I'm demonic/cursed by a demon etc. It really bothers me to be seen this way. So there are tons of things that can get me down, and it can be hard to deal with. I don't have much advice for that, except just try to distract yourself any way possible. That's what I do, even if it is a temporary fix...don't do anything that will make you feel worse. Wow, I wrote far too much again, time for me to shut up now :shame:
     
  3. rtrt46546565

    rtrt46546565 Well-Known Member

    ^I think it makes sense that you like listening to depressing music when you're down. You probably feel like you can relate to it(Or is it because of a different reason?). I listen to depressing music for that reason sometimes, but it's a thin line between relating and feeling worse for me.

    I don't really get triggered by those depictions. I think maybe it's because seeing them reinforces my thinking that suicide is always there as an escape for if life becomes too much to handle and that comforts me some.

    I sometimes feel the want to attain the happiness I see, too. But that's another thin line for me, between wanting to attain and getting down over not having.

    Oh yeah, people, especially my mom, can really set me off, too. But I don't really have contact with many people anymore so I'm usually able to avoid all that.

    Yup, try to stay distracted/occupied is exactly what I do. I've seen you post about that before. Seems we're both on the same page there. I'm glad that it works for you, too. It can be pretty effective.

    Nah, you didn't write too much. Write as much as you like. :)
     
  4. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Yeah, I can relate to depressing music, probably too much, but I really just like all types of music. I use it as a distraction, especially late at night so I feel less alone. I guess that's a trigger, being alone at night...even if I like the solitude, I get paranoid and think bad things will happen. So I just try to keep my mind occupied in any way possible.

    I think that's why depictions of suicide trigger me, because I feel that's my only end, even though it scares me to feel that way. I don't think I can attain happiness, because I just continue to fail at everything. So mostly I have idealized fantasies in my head of what my perfect life would be like, but I don't think it could ever be anything like that.

    Right, my mom can be really annoying too. Even just being in the same room as her, or not even being around her at all...she'll still start some crap. Lately I've had a few people saying my life has been tainted by a dark force, which bothers me to think about...as if I'm not paranoid enough already. Then if I write anything dark, I'm accused of being an evil person. Just because I write horror or dark things doesn't mean I will become like that. So I guess people have been setting me off as of late. I need support from people, not for them to criticize one of the few positive coping mechanisms I have left.

    Sometimes distractions work for me, but it can still be a struggle. Glad I didn't write too much, even though I usually make an ass of myself if I talk too much. Oh well, guess I can always go back to talking to myself :happy:
     
  5. rtrt46546565

    rtrt46546565 Well-Known Member

    ^What bad things do you think will happen? Loneliness is a big trigger for me(I should have mentioned that in my OP now that I think about it.). I'm not sure if it's worse at night for me but I can definitely relate to playing music to distract from it. Besides that, I also read forums/read comments/watch YouTube videos/etc. to feel less alone. Doing those things make me feel some human connection.

    ^I can understand that. Maybe that's another reason why it doesn't trigger me so much, because even though I'm confident that suicide could easily be my fate, I do still have a bit of hope left that my life will get better. I think I've said this to you in another thread but, I hope that you still have some left, too, even if it's only a tiny amount and even if it's so deep down that you hardly notice it. I honestly believe you, me and everyone else can attain happiness. I think it'd be extremely difficult for some of us, but I do think it's possible. I've also failed at pretty much everything, but that doesn't mean there aren't things we could succeed at. And even though it may not seem like it, I believe that the fantasy lives(To a certain extent.) we create in our heads could happen. Will they? I can't say because I'm not psychic, but I do believe it's possible.

    ^I know what you mean. I can't STAND being around my mom at all so I try my best to avoid her. But even then she'll come to me and start her shit. Yeah, I've read what you've written about people saying that stuff about you. I think they're the evil ones for saying that to you. It's one thing to call someone names or something but to say that sorta shit is just wrong. I say keep writing about whatever you wanna write about and forget those people. And by the way, horror/dark is awesome in my book. :)

    ^It's a struggle for me, too. I'm constantly fighting to find new things to keep me occupied. New games, new music, new videos, new hobbies, new interests, etc.. It can be pretty tiring for me but it's all I've got. If it wasn't for staying occupied like I do I'd probably be dead already.

    ^I don't think you could make yourself look like an ass to me even if you tried. ;) I always think that about myself, too. I think we're just too hard on ourselves. I feel like almost everything I post is embarrassing to myself in some way when realistically, most people probably hardly bat an eye at what I say.
     
  6. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I don't know...I always think the worst case scenario in every situation. I just tend to dwell on stupid things when I let my mind drift...that's why I always try to stay busy. I always dreaded ending up alone, but since I am and probably always will be, I have to find some way to live with that. I never get texts/calls/visits from anyone, and I don't even talk to many people online. So I guess this place is sort of like my connection to humanity.

    It's hard for me to have any hope that anything will get better, because I've always seemed to have the worst luck in everything. Besides that, I don't know if anyone would care if I just disappeared off the face of the earth. There are things in my life I'd really like to happen, but it seems that since things always turn out badly, that I won't be able to achieve them. Maybe that's what is scaring me off from trying to do anything better.

    I'm sort of used to being called so many bad things by people, that now I just have a very negative and low opinion of myself. I tend to put myself down before anyone else does, and I guess I believe whatever bad things people tell me. Yeah, horror and dark stuff is awesome, never thought I'd be good at writing it but I guess I've proven myself wrong there.

    I think if I wasn't able to distract myself from the constant thoughts, then I wouldn't be here anymore, either. I probably am too hard on myself, but people seem to get sick of me easily, so I'm self-conscious about saying too much. I know how that feels, but honestly your posts are interesting. I'm just glad you haven't gotten fed up with me yet :lol:
     
  7. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    A lot of things. Music is definitely one. It's hard not to relate music. Like witty I also tend to listen to depressing music when I'm already down. I think it makes me think clearer but who knows. Books is another one. I love books but they tend to make me sad, I know it's fantasy I know it's fiction but it makes my life feel shitty, like you said reminders about how life is wrong in my world. Movies do the same thing. Some don't but majority does.
     
  8. rtrt46546565

    rtrt46546565 Well-Known Member

    ^^I can definitely relate to always thinking the worst and dwelling on things. Idk if it's because of my anxiety or what but I've been this way for a long time now. That's the main reason I try to keep busy, too. If I'm occupied by something, many hours can go by with me hardly noticing. But if I'm not occupied, I tend to just sit and think negatively about everything and it feels like it takes an hour for a minute to pass. I dread ending up alone, too. But we're both young and we have plenty of time left to find someone. I keep trying to tell myself to learn to be alone just in case, because sometimes I also feel that I probably always will be, but I just can't accept the idea of being alone forever. That's a scary thought to me. I don't get those things from people, either, so I know how it feels and I'm sorry you have to feel it. I do talk to a couple people online(And also people in threads on here.) but that's it. And up until I joined here, back in July, I didn't even talk to people that much. I literally sat in my room with zero contact from people except for my mom.

    ^^Well the cool thing about luck is that it doesn't play favorites. Eventually, luck will swing in your favor. It probably already has but maybe only for small, almost unnoticeable things. But sooner or later, as long as you're putting forth some effort, I believe that luck will bring you something really great. I can't say if anyone would care or not if that happened since Idk the people in your life and all, but what I can say is that if you honestly feel nobody currently in your life would truly care then maybe you need to find yourself some new people. I know that's easier said than done but it seems that's the case. Unfortunately, we can't always choose the people around us and sometimes those people are bad for us. I know exactly what it's like to feel like nobody would care about that. You just need to find people who are right for you and who would truly care about you. I know those people exist and I hope you do, too.

    ^^I'm sorry that so many people have said bad things about you to the point where you're actually used to it, but you gotta know and believe that what they said isn't true. Again, I know that's easier said than done. You've just had the misfortune of dealing with a bunch of assholes is all. It's not you, it's them. There are tons of people out there who would like you and wouldn't think badly of you. Same for all of us. There are right people out there for everyone, we just gotta find them.

    ^^I'm glad you think my posts are interesting. Thank you. :) I think the same of yours and I definitely won't get fed up with you. :)


    ^I don't read, but fantasy in other things sometimes makes me sad, too. Usually because I wanna get away from my shit life and live in that fantasy world and it makes me sad that I can't.(Especially Harry Potter. How awesome would that be?)
     
  9. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I always think of the worst because I can't expect anything better than that. If I think positively, I'll set myself up for disappointment. After seeing the worst of everything so many times, I'd be stupid to hope for anything better. Even if I have plenty of time left to find someone, I seriously doubt that I will. I don't have a single quality that anyone would like, and I'm just the kind of person that no one wants to be around. I've just already accepted that I may end up alone, but of course I won't be old and alone, because I'll be gone long before that. Hopefully before I turn 30 if I play all my cards right. Sorry to be so grim, it's just what goes through my head on a daily basis. I usually don't talk about it because no one cares.

    I don't know if luck will swing in my favor, because it hasn't for so long. Whenever I get to know people, the result is always the same, they end up hating me. They usually won't come out and say it, but I know how they feel. At first, they really think I'm a good person, then they just cut off contact and won't tell me why. Even when I ask, they still assure me I'm a good person, but I can't be if I manage to drive them all away. I don't really get to know anyone anymore because I know the end result of that. Even the few people left in my life don't seem to have a very high opinion of me, but I guess I'd rather be put down than be completely alone.

    I think what people say about me is true, and that's why I've grown to believe it. No one has any faith in me so I have none in myself. Well, I'm glad you like reading my posts, but I'm sure you'll get annoyed sooner than later, since people usually do. By the way, I like your sig...sounds like how I feel pretty much all the time.
     
  10. rtrt46546565

    rtrt46546565 Well-Known Member

    ^I also don't like thinking positively for that reason but I still do sometimes. And I can't help but get my hopes up about everything so the disappointment hurts that much more. Even though my initial instinct is to think negatively, I still try to find the upside to things as best I can. Maybe that's why I still have some hope left, because I'm forcing it or something.

    ^I don't mean to sound rude or anything, but how do you know that you don't have any qualities that people would like? Maybe the people you've met so far don't like any(Though, I can't help but think your past friends and such must have liked at least something about you since they became close to you.) but they don't speak for everyone else. It's a shame that people so far have been so cruel to you but that doesn't mean every person would be. There ARE people out there who would like your qualities, who would wanna be around you, who wouldn't hate you and who wouldn't cut off contact from you. I know that probably sounds like bullshit to you but it's true. It could take you meeting 50 people just to find one good friend. It could take you meeting 100 guys just to find the right boyfriend. But the right people for you are indeed out there. It doesn't matter how weird, crazy, awkward, annoying, shy, goofy, unattractive, stupid, dark, unlikable, etc. we think we are, there's always gonna people out there who fit with us, like us and accept us for who we are.

    ^I can understand you believing what people have said about you after hearing it so many times but it's not true. You're a human being like everyone else, not some disgusting, evil thing. Those people that said those things about you have problems just like you and everyone else does. They're not perfect or special. For what it's worth, I have faith in you and you don't seem like a bad person to me.

    ^Thanks. And speaking of sigs, don't forget to 'Keep hope alive'(Or, at least try to.). :)
     
  11. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I just don't get my hopes up for anything anymore, because it's easier that way. I know it will all end up badly, so I have no reason to think it will change this time around. I don't know if I have any hope left, and I haven't for a long time. I'm just in a very dark place now and don't know how to get my way out of it.

    Maybe people liked me initially, they don't anymore though. I don't know if I have any good qualities, and I don't know what anyone would see in me that's good. Guys will say I'm good looking, but later on they'll change their opinion. And I know that's the right one, because I have a mirror. Mostly people think I'm boring to be around, or annoying, or that I just bring everyone down. I'm misunderstood and most of what I say is taken the wrong way, even when it has the best intentions. Most of the time, the only reason people get to know me is because they want to use me for something, and walk all over me because I'll take it. If I cared about myself more, then maybe I wouldn't let people treat me that way, but I guess it doesn't really matter.

    That's nice that you have faith in me, I wish I had faith in myself too. It's hard to keep hope alive, and I don't know if I can anymore. But I know I'm being too negative and stupid, and it will be better if I just shut up about everything.
     
  12. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You have many good qualities about you Witty. The hard part is allowing yourself to see them. When depression takes over those around you can sense your sadness and the negativity you protect about yourself. They don't know how to act or respond so the typical thing is to back away. Believe and have faith in yourself and others will too. :hug:
     
  13. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Thank you, gentlelady :hug: I'll try to have more faith in myself and a more positive outlook on life :)
     
  14. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Witty, I agree with gentlelady. I think that many people suffer with what I call "warped mirror syndrome". Thats my name for when people assess themselves as being less than they really are. I think when we feel so bad about ourselves, other people kinda sense it. I notice that with myself. There is a picture I think of. its the one of the cat looking in the mirror and seeing a lion. Well I have the opposite. And I think maybe i project out the opposite as well. I think you know I like you. So thats why I am writing this. And by the way, I happen to like Matt as well. not just saying that. I really do like you, Matt. I like what you have said. FYI

    my huge triggers is internet missionaries. I do not know why they trigger me so much. Music can trigger me. Its funny how I am also sensitive to that. It can absolutly go right through me. Although I love some music. Just depends.

    :redrose::dragon::butterfly3::butterfly4::butterfly2: :dancing_flower:
     
  15. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Thank you, Flowers, and I really like you too :hug: I wish you and others here had more faith in themselves, but it can be hard behind the dark cloud of depression. Internet missionaries are the pits. I like those icons, especially the flower who moonwalks. :)
     
  16. rtrt46546565

    rtrt46546565 Well-Known Member

    ^^Well thank you. :) I'm glad you like what I said. It's nice to hear that my words aren't as stupid as I tend to think they are.

    ^^Hmm, I've never heard of internet missionaries. And yup, same for me with music. But I love music so I'll always listen to it regardless.
     
  17. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Matt, your words are far from stupid :hug: They are kind and intelligent. Even if you do not think kindly toward yourself. But I might guess that if I felt kindly toward myself, I would not have need to come to sf.
     
  18. rtrt46546565

    rtrt46546565 Well-Known Member

  19. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    They are also called cyber evangalists. They come here to save people by preaching that people should pray to God or the lord. They post to people telling them that there is hope in god. And that they will not feel suicidal if they take God or the lord into their heart. just pray to them. They do not come here because they are suicidal. They come to preach. They are the only trigger I find here at sf. Because they want to fix people through religion. Often when I read what one of them writes, I have to leave sf for a while. It just makes me so triggered that they are preaching religion here. And they personally do not grapple with suicidal feelings. just here to "save" people from themeslves.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 26, 2013
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