Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by lightning05, May 5, 2016.

  1. lightning05

    lightning05 Well-Known Member

    Does anyone else find that they get triggered by music? I feel like more and more music is triggering me. My abusive ex boyfriend used to call me degrading names all of the time and now unfortunately it seems like these degrading names are almost in every song. "Bitch", "Hoe", "Slut". ESPECIALLY bitch. "Bitch" is like everyone's new favorite word. I hate it. I try to listen to new music and the frustration slaps me as soon as one of these words is said. It's like they are becoming harder and harder to escape.

    The other day I had my Pandora on shuffle and I wasn't paying too much attention. A song came on and in the beginning it was a man talking about how he would tie a woman to a bed. I shut it off immediately but it really freaked me out and kind of messed me up for an hour. Ugh, why does this sort of violence and hatred of women need to be found so often in music?! What ever happened to singing for everyone?!

    I'm annoyed.
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I'm annoyed too.

    I usually try to avoid those songs... and it's a big part of why I stopped going to clubs (other than being groped and humped by men).
    I don't understand it either. You can make awesome music without having to use derogatory or violent terms.

    I haven't added much contemporary music to my playlist... I have some on it though, but I'm quick to skip it if I'm sensitive.

    I'm sorry you have to deal with that, but regardless, I never thought it was 'flattering' to make such music
  3. lightning05

    lightning05 Well-Known Member

    Because of everything that's happened to me I don't listen to much music like that anymore either. I listen to more mellow and slow music or sometimes even just instrumentals. I've done a purge of all of that music out of my life for the most part. Sometimes it can come out of nowhere or when I am in the car with other people or somewhere where I can't control the music it can be frustrating. Then it's awkward trying not to get angry or internal when everyone else is perfectly fine with it. Sometimes it makes me feel as though they believe that stuff too and it feels "disrespectful" towards everything I've gone through. It's a weird thing and not many people understand.

    I actually stopped dating a guy who only listened to music like that. He seriously listened to nothing else even after I talked about it. It bothered me so much that I couldn't stand it. It's hard for people to see how deeply these things affect you and sad when they don't care.
  4. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I think a lot of people have grown numb to those derogatory terms in certain types of music... sadly. Though, I don't think many of the people who might sing along or just nod along to such music necessarily share the same views. But I completely understand how you might feel like that (I do too, while I can make this statement...)
  5. undercoverlover

    undercoverlover Well-Known Member

    im the same way! some of the most bizarre music triggers me, too. one time a friend played the boy who blocked his own shot by brand new for me on the guitar and i started sobbing, because the whole song sounded like stuff my abuser had said to me after we broke up. theres a lot of music i cant listen to for that reason
  6. lightning05

    lightning05 Well-Known Member

    I do think people have grown numb to it or just don't realize the trickle down effect or how it might make others feel. I know how that feels @undercoverlover I've definitely had times where I've gotten very upset or have even had to just leave the room because a song was triggering me. I hate when it happens in public or at a group setting. So awkward...