Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by chloe123, Sep 27, 2009.

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  1. chloe123

    chloe123 Account Closed

    I HAVE TO CUT MYSELF AGAIN TONIGHT AND LAST NIGHT AND MONDAY NIGHT AS WELL.I was basted for most my life from my exboyfriend and my dad was basted me to and
    my mum exhusband was basted me to and i hate that happen to me all my life. I not sure to say this here because i have bad memorize every day now and i want
    to forget it but it is hard because i had a dream that my dad was put me on the road yesterday in thought he was waiting out side for me but he wasn't there
    at all and i hope he wasn't there my dream and i thought was up at 2:30am writing down this but i didn't know were to put it. It is different to me and my
    mum exhusband was welfare on him and that was mistake that he still basting for year till i left busting me as me as i put there when i was 17 year old went
    to biloela with a friend they meet some guys there went out for tea over there his parent placethey didn't like me i was so scare there and i didn't know
    them at all and they didn't talk to me at all. Because that didn't like way i was in my life that my dad was jail person and my dad got out and start
    looking for me so he can do some stuff like raped me with his friends that he had it wasn't just him. I wish he is dead in my life and it will be great that
    he is out my life now and when it happen i will be happy about it. I was in bad relationship for 15 years and i had not friend and family not there and i was
    scare about everything that has happen to me every time i do some thing wrong he start getting up and saying that i cheat on him with every male in biloela
    i did do that with one guy that he was women basted to and he basted me in the face everytimei say that i going to dump him for other guy in bundaberg that
    he didn't like it because it was his best for year and i am with him now and being together for one year and two month. We are so happy together and we said
    that we are getting married one day but don't know when yet and we will try again for other child and we will be great together now and i always be happy
    with my boyfriend and my kids as well and my step kids to and love all of them together they play together family.I am happy my boyfriend does thing for me
    and i do thing for him to get his beer and tea and take him out for a drive to be together on our own for hours and next time we go to different place to do
    thing together our self like we did on sunday night for our drive we did have fun together we talk about thing that we can do together like as bf and gf thing
    together. I wish we can go to biloela to see his mum and dad as well it will be great to see them to they have three grandchildren as well. I like to do that
    one day together me and him as well and we can have a break away from the kids and away from here near cathy so that will be fun we can that one day i hope
    so that will be fine with my bofriend. I have some thing on my mind now but i don't know how to put it down on here tonight and i hope i can get some help
    from someone it understand what i mean what i have to say here but how to write it yet.I not sure how say it now because it is hard to write it done on the
    computer it is else to do it on here. I got to see my councillor on the 22/7/09 this year and see my doctor after it in week and i am worry about it now and
    i not going to do si it not on my mind yet because i try not try to think some thing else in stead of that i will be keep my mind business away from it.I don't
    like my kids at all now the r pain the bum and they hurt me today at the car. I have told them to get in there room for hurting me today and i had a sore leg
    and it is better but it is still have it not so bad now because it is get better. How can i survivors this problem i have on my mind now i hope i can get over
    it but it take time to get over it.My boyfriend has been very supportive to me all the time and i have been very supportive to my boyfriend. I always have
    problem from my life now and i hope i can get over it but i know it take time it take time to get over it. I have to see my doctor sometime this week about
    my blood test and breath test and sonogram photo to see from my doctor this week i hope there nothing wrong with me. I hope it is good news about something i
    hope so. I what to know what wrong with me now because i always scare of thing that goes wrong with me. :mad::sparkle:
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    There is your key, you want to forget. I think we all want to forget. We do a lot of different things to forget because of the hurt we feel when we remember.

    I have found the things I did to forget, kept the things in me and they stayed in me to keep hurting me.

    I learned that as I let these thing out they were no longer in me and it helped until the next time when another hurt would come up.

    I don't like the cycle of let go then another thing come up but I've been doing it for awhile now and a lot of it is gone.

    I had a dream about my uncle a few weeks ago and in the dream I spoke to the others in the dream and told them he molested me when I was a kid. This is the first time in this kind of dream I spoke about it.

    What happened next still has me stunned. My uncle made a very direct statement and I'm wondering if my mind is reprocessing things he said to me, when i was a kid, into that statement.

    Either way there are a lot of things stirring. I can feel them now as I type. I don't have a regular therapist right now, I don't have insurance. I'm realizing as I type this I need to talk to a trained counselor. The pastor of my church keeps saying he's a trained counselor. Maybe I'll go find out just how much that is so.

    Keep posting here, let it out a little at a time. Stay safe, find a counselor.:hugtackles:
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