I lost my grandfather and my step dad to mental illness. My grandfather had serious problems with anxiety and my step dad had bipolar disorder; they both committed suicide.

It's weird because I'm the third member of my family to have a serious mental illness and I specifically have problems with suicidal thoughts.

I have a picture with me and my grandfather sitting together and on the other side I have stuck a picture of my step dad.

I feel I failed my step dad. I feel like I should have recognized the behavior and taken some action. He understood me like no other but I didn't realize that. I let the whole thing slip through my hands.

It's something that I don't tell people. My sadness and eternal feelings of failure.

Death is weird. It's like one second you have someone and then you don't... and that's that. There is no more.

I tend to not show emotions where this is concerned. All one can do is put the head down and keep walking... don't look back... don't ever look back... just keep walking.


total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
Hun i am so sorry for you losses hun.
Please know there was nothing you could have done He probably hid his symptoms so well. My brother also committed suicide and i blame myself
With therapy hun you can heal okay You need to get some professional help to help you grieve and to see guilt you feel should not be there.
Running from the pain and sadness it doesn't work okay you need to face these emotions with help you can and will start to heal hugs


Staff Alumni
What happened to them does not have to happen to you, in fact, you can make it your motivation to brake the cycle...I am glad you are posting how you feel as we all need to express it...if I can humbly submit, you failed no, like the rest of us have a disease, which is not your fault, and I wish you could understand that...maybe your regrets regarding your step-dad can be a motivation to find a way to get what you can out of future relationships...we cannot redo the past, and all of us have wishes that things would have been different, however, we can work on the sorry for your losses...J

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