Trivial? No!

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by resistance, Mar 12, 2007.

  1. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Out of everyone, I thought they would have understood. Out of everyone, I thought they'd have been the most supportive. Out of everyone, I am totally surprised they would even think like this.

    You may have read my thread in the announcements today, I have booked an appointment to do something huge, it was really difficult and I am freaking out about it already. I won't go into it all here - but if you're interested, read the thread in the news & announcements forum.

    ANYWAY, I have known these people online for 2 - 3 years, I have even met some of them in London back last year and I thought I could trust and I thought I could get support off them when I wanted it but apparently not. I told them today I have booked the appointment, and they are saying because I am young, it must be something trivial, worried about appearance and all that jazz but no, IT'S NOT TRIVIAL. Ok, ok, they don't know the problem, but seriously, very few people have commented and I feel like I've been stabbed in the back. Like they don't care. Am I over reacting here?

    These are the people I have known for most of my time online, and I was expecting just a little support but they don't give a shit, they are not commenting or trying to make me feel better or anything.

    I just want to make it clear, this is not the typical, "I have bad acne", "I have big boobs", "I am fat" kind of problem. It is something different, something worse. Something that has left me feeling like a total freak and this appointment is a huge thing. I totally appreciate the comments and support I've recieved off SF about this, but these other people I'm talking about, it's totally shocked me and I feel crap about it.
  2. letdown

    letdown Guest

    It is extremely painful when people invalidate something that you repeatedly say is a huge thing for you. I find it's like talking to someone who refuses to listen. And using "you are young" and all the those preconceptions can be very frustrating.

    Sometimes when people react in a way I dislike, I actually have to say to them, like you have just said, "No! It isn't trivial. It means a lot to me and I find you're being unhelpful." In that way you're giving strong signal of your feelings and if they are good friends they'd be accommodating and be more helpful and sensitive in their responses.

    I don't think you're overreacting. When you form attachments or friendships and trust with others you do expect some support. Or perhaps they are having a bad day? I don't know.

    It's good that you're expressing your disappointment here.

    I've never had a physical problem that causes me such anguish but I do hope your appointment goes well. It sounds like it was a scary thing and a huge huge step to take. Good luck Res. :hug: :rose:
  3. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    I know, it's very patronising. The main thing that got to me was the fact they used the "you are young" line. Who cares if I'm "young". My age doesn't matter. If something affects you to the point you want to kill yourself to get away from it, you don't want to go out, you think people are judging you and it has a huge impact on your life - something is wrong. This issue I have is not trivial, and I wish people would stop jumping to the conclusion that it is. Thanks for replying. :hug:
  4. letdown

    letdown Guest

    Exactly. Best of luck. :smile:
  5. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

    *hugs* People tend not to be so supportive of things they don't understand, but it's because they don't understand the problem - they also tend to use various excuses of your behaviour to try to cover up their lack of understanding. It sucks, but it happens.

    I really hope this appointment goes well for you - I have no idea what it's about, but it seems like it's been dragging you down a good while, so it's great that you're going.

  6. beautifuloblivion

    beautifuloblivion Well-Known Member

    I'm with letdown...I don't think you're overreacting. I don't know what your issue is, but I understand how frustrating the "you're too young" line is. It doesn't matter how old you are...if it's causing you such intense emotional pain, then yes, it is a big deal, whether they understand or not. I wish you the best with your appointment. :hug: