I think I'm in trouble again. There's a pattern and it's happening again tonight. I start getting irritable. Then go through my stuff and start throwing things away. I never finish that. Then I find all the potent meds (mine & hubby's) that could put me to sleep forever and put them in a pouch. I have them now. Whenever I've gotten this far, I've never actually taken them, but my Pdoc said that since I've done this a number of times already, it's just a matter of time until I follow through--he wants me to check into the psych hospital when the pattern begins. I don't want to go--I don't want to tell my husband. He hasn't understood the seriousness of all of this in the past. But I'm afraid he may now. I'm just so tired of all of this. I try to fight it--I asked my Pdoc too--why can't I fight it. He said that the way my brain misfires and I've not had any treatment for over 40 yrs, I can't fight it--I can't. That's scary. And it's starting to happen again. I just want this to stop.