Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Seerbrum, Feb 5, 2009.

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  1. Seerbrum

    Seerbrum Well-Known Member

    I can't stop thinking about it!

    All the things that make me depressed, the whole reason my life had ruined recently, it keeps reappearing. I don't know if I'm going crazy or if I'm just plain out have bad luck.

    But its like my mind wants me to die, all it wishes to do is remind me why I hate my life.

    I'm afriad, because I don't just plan to hurt to myself. I can feel myself getting dangerous, I might even be a danger to those around me.

    All these things that shouldn't bother... do.

    All because I was stupid enough to follow some faggots* advice.

    In the end, I'm just a fucking idiot. I knew better then to chase another girl, considering all I been through. Now months later, I still can't get her out of my head. Knowing the entire time I'm such a pathetic human being. I want to run, run so far and so fast that none of these motherfuckers that torture me by keeping me alive can find me. I just want rest, I just want to shut off all this HURT.

    I'm sorry, I actually like this community and all I'm doing is wasting Bandwith.

    *Hey hes my friend, I get to call him a ****** all I want, since he is, and I've decided I can't trust him. I think he's trying to turn me gay.
  2. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hi. i don't know your entire situation. .. but i can read your pain. . .it is a positive thing to reach out here - here. you will find understanding.

    it has saved my life - and i am finding i am glad to still be here. problems, i have them in APADES. but as long as i am living, . i will have a chance for better days.

    i wish you better days, too. and i hope you continue to reach out here - there is always someone around, and we all care about you :hug:
  3. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    It can hurt to put yourself out there. Sorry you're hurting.
  4. Seerbrum

    Seerbrum Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the support, but I already cut myself. Nothing serious just enough so I could leave another scar.

    Each progressive day I feel more detached from reality...
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Serbruum,
    I know how it is to be in one bad relationship after another. You feel like it's your fault. Well it's not!! My therapist says it's because your other half wasn't ready for or was afraid of commitment. Don't blame yourself..
    For me it is over because I am an old fart now and have just given up trying. I look at it that I was ment to be alone. My sister is divorced and is older than me so we live together and have both grown accustom to the idea that it just isn't worth trying again.
    Take some time and heal your wounds then get back in the game. I truly beleive there is someone for everyone, you just haven't met her yet. I missed my chance because I had a nice girl who loved me and waited for me for years. I finally told her to find someone who was worth her love because I was no good. Back in those days I wasn't because all I cared about was getting stoned. Now I kick myself in the ass all the time. I think about her everynow and then. Take care!!~Joseph~
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