Troubled

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by White Dove, Aug 21, 2007.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    Troubled , hurting , torn inside my heart...

    TROUBLED PHYSICALLY

    Troubled with this cancer that i can feel eating away at me..


    I dont want it...

    I dont want this stupid cancer and i am about to scream.....

    But screaming will not help me at this point....

    I have cried many tears but they will not help at this point...

    Nothing will take it away from me.. nothing will....


    I dont know how i am going to do it..... Others here say let us help you or carry you but i just dont know how to let others help me or carry me when i can feel the pain so much.... I am not one that can let others carry me cause i have had to do all things by myself from when i was real young and was always taking care of others..

    HURTING

    Emotionally hurting.. this emotional pain is taking a toll upon me... I am even afraid to post this here because i am afraid it will be taken some other way or as a attention getter because i have made so many posts, but not all were bad posts... A lot went to the flash movies and to others with me trying to help ease their pain and in turn it helps ease my pain in somewhat...

    Emotionally hurting because of things people has said to me or written to me in the past comes back to me with such a force that it hurts me deeply.... The icon that was placed as fun to others on that other forum is still so vivedly in my mind... They just dont know the pain i am in....

    Spiritually hurting

    I am torn inside my spirit cause i dont know what went wrong.... Do you know how emotinoally , spritually, and physically draining that is upon a person? Upon their soul? I have given up on being spiritually free , and emotionally free..... Every day it gets harder and harder for me... It is a battle that im losing...

    TORN INSIDE MY HEART

    Torn because there is so many holes that can never be fixed. Torn because this heart is afraid of getting hurt... I once posted here that i was afraid of love... well what i meant by that was i was afraid of others pretend love , afraid of getting hurt.. that it scares me so much.. others will say we love you but those are just words... You make one mistake or two or three and their love for you turns away from you... God says you make 70 x 70 mistakes but when you go back to him he will accept you back.. now that is genium love...

    So why is it so easy he ( GOD ) can forgive us but men cant?

    I have cried out so many times yet my crys are gone cause this heart of mine is torn...

    I cant trust... how can i ever trust ? Sunday night when i went to see A.W. Preach , his wife hugged me , yet i cant trust her.. i cant physically trust her to be genium for fear my heart will get hurt... Heck i dont even trust myself.. i have a fear of myself that i will say or do something stupid and i cant trust myself... even was told by a laywer that i pushed others away from me so how can i even trust myself...

    Torn inside , cant trust , so what am i? selfish? Perhaps i need to just get away from everyone... let it be just me and me only... This way i cant hurt anyone and i cant subject myself to any more hurt... i need to be alone... things will be easier when i am alone... It will be easier to do... i cant be a burden to anyone anymore and i cant keep pretending everythings alright when it is not..

    I can keep faking the smiles and keep faking being happy while on the inside i am torn and dying... I think it is best for everyone... I have so many ups and downs that of course i am seen as a yo yo dummy cause my feelings and life has been nothing but a yo yo... I think its best i just stay away from all. including church... I am alone anyways and it doesnt really matter...

    when youve lived a life like i have you can see that this is really the only answer there is.... I think GOD hates me.. i honestly do... cause even JOB had a good life up until his faith was tempted.. me i have had a hard life , full of pain , and misery..

    people will say they love me , then they leave me out , just let me go like they never ever met me , thats the story of my life loved and dumped , and i dont blame them... just look at me.. what am i doing? complaining , i am complaing ..

    if this is all there is to a life of nothing but heartache upon heartache and pain upon pain with no way to make amends or to ease my spirit then i want no part of it...
     
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