I generally don't post anything beyond giving support to members here on the forum, but I recently was confronted by a huge triggering situtation for me. Flashbacks are back in full force. Everything I worked for over the past 10 years to fight this battle is gone. Thoughts of suicide are as strong now as they have ever been. I really do not think I can go through all this again. I simply have no fight left. I feel so dishonest with all of you. I tell you to fight. You can do it. Things can and will get better. I do believe that for you, but not for me. Here I am, back at the beginning. I owe you all an apology, although I will not give up on fighting for you. I do give up on me. Thank you all for listening. No need wasting your words here. Please continue supporting each other. You are so very important in the process of healing. My love and caring to you all, gentlelady.