True Love?!! or am i insane?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Shifter, Feb 22, 2010.

  1. Shifter

    Shifter Well-Known Member

    Well it all started last year when i was suffering immense suicidal feelings because of my lack of self fulfillment with myself. For the record i believe that love is only in fairy tales or prostituted to the patronization of lust. I turned 17 on January 16th and things have been going smoother, but something doesn't seem right to me. Last year i felt i was doing girls a favor by not even bothering to know my pathetic(at the time) hide. Did i do the right thing by not dating while i was mentally unstable? Well anyway i only had like one or 2 crushes that were feasible, and tons of crushes on hot celeb girls for obvious reasons :p but i never had the nerve to ask any out, im so soft i can barely say hi to them. One time in 8th grade i asked a blonde chick,who btw was very smart, out. Now i have no idea where i got the courage to do that but i did know her for about 2 years, when i was in 7th we talked occasionally....just like my current....love interest. i made plenty of minor mistakes in my relationship with her, im not the kinda pig who would flirt with other girls while in a relationship or cheat or anything, im a nice softie if not provoked, but i also live by an eye for an eye. Then 3 months in she broke up with me, in the moment i was kinda stung, but we were still friends and over all i wasn't hurt like i heard in many tragedies before. that to this very day was my 1st and only "real" gf.

    Into high school freshman year was a disaster, i got so pissed i could justify getting guns and shooting people, but knowing me i chickened out because im a fucken softy with moral....shocking isn't it? an American teen in this day and age who is a virgin and has strong moral. too bad im a suicidal wimp. I was diagnosed with Asperenger syndrome at the end of softmore year, however during softmore year a tough chick i hang out with introduced me to this really nice girl. this tough chick is mean as declared by many but nice to me so we get along cause i judge people based on how they treat me. in my softmore year i got depressed and highly unstable, i even attempted twice that year, for some reason i have made it to this year, my....second softmore year:sad:

    This girl has the same dream i do, and this dream is what led our hearts to tangle in this mess. We have lunch at the same time, and we both prefer going to the library. One day she sat near me and peeked at my screen and saw a little animation i was making, i was watching a stickman kick cause i made it with a small program called pivot. she asked me how did i do that and we became FAST friends....about a month or 2 ago we started greeting each other with hugs, and she flatters me every now and then cause to her i appear to drop alot of weight from day to day, while i do drop weight i also wear baggy clothing:biggrin: We both think alike, we are both so different and yet so similar. We both admitted to each other things like in the past we were bullied, and if we had not met each other we probably would have killed ourselves....also we mentioned that the one makes the other feel better. This seems good right? why would this be considered a mess? simple, I was unstable 300 days ago and now a girl pops out of nowhere and i am becoming emotionally vulnerable to her...if things wouldn't work out would i fall in a deeper depression or is she the one i will marry, from high school meeting at the age 17?! well she's 16:biggrin:I never really felt this way about a girl before. I feel happy and care free around her, where as normally i feel like a caged bird with clipped wings that gets assulted with sunflower seeds from his cage from time to time. She makes me feel complete and when she hugs me i get a warm full feeling. Like drinking alcohol but no coughing(more proof im a sissy, i been sober my whole life cause i cant stomach that shit, not even wine....) and the vileness i feel seems to disapear for a while or as long as im around her. I am too much of a wimp to give my parents details, hell even my friends in rl and online ....but for some reason i can open up like a book here full with people that only know me as Shifter and see me as nothing more than a human who was suicidal who wanted to live life. Please elaborate on my ignorance, for i am only baby in a mature body.

    Nearly every time in my life to this point when things go good i foolishly raise my hopes and then they crash and burn and i die inside more and more and more until i got clinical depression. Is my asperenger syndrome making me misread these signals she is giving? is she even the one for me? and what could i do if things don't work out?
     
  2. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    First of all, it's great that you've found someone who makes you feel as happy as she does. I hope for both of your sakes that it lasts, as it seems to me from what you said, that she may need you just as much as you need her. However, relationships are never simple. They're always complicated and messy and full of ups and downs. I think a relationship, along with all the crap that it can bring, may only bring you both down even further than you were before you met eachother. For now, enjoy being friends, try not to get your hopes up too high, and just try to sort out your life. Make the other aspects of your life; your home situation, friend situation, family situation, job/school situation, make them all as good as they can be and try and make your life as a whole better. It isn't healthy to rely on someone so much and make them your only source of happiness, eventually that person may leave or pick up on how "needy" their partner is perhaps being towards them and then you've got no partner left and most certainly no happiness.

    I say make the most of your friendship, work on making your life better and/or accepting the parts that can't be fixed and see where it takes you.
     
  3. Shifter

    Shifter Well-Known Member

    hopefully If things progress at the same rate they have then stuff should turn out okay. I would hate my final hours being the ending of a modern Romeo and Juliet thing >_> If ever make her feel bad i would probably not be able to forgive myself. I mean she was just some girl i saw last year, then we started talking a little this year and when she saw me animating in the library we would only grow closer and closer together. Only recently have we started hugging each other alot and...

    oh no, im becoming vulnerable....
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 24, 2010
  4. Rayne

    Rayne Well-Known Member

    I'm glad this girl is making you happy, but this makes me wonder if maybe making this into something more than friendship could be dangerous.
     
  5. Shifter

    Shifter Well-Known Member

    dare i take the risk? I will, but at my pace, i won't push things and i'll make sure we both are comfortable. Today i came back after being suspended on a fucking technicality and i could hardly breathe from how hard she was hugging me ^_^

    its just amazing, last year i was justifying death, wishing for the force of nature to descend upon my hide but now i'm actually eager to go to school to see her. There's nothing wrong with me making this big a shift is there? This is normal right? I'm not endangering her am i?
     
  6. Tray

    Tray Well-Known Member

    Just as the other person said. Enjoy having her in you life. You can make it more that friends if thats what you choose. However at the same time now that your feeling good about life try and work out your other problems that made you so depressed in the first place. That way if something happens and you two stop talking to each other things wont be as bad or worse than what you were before.