Hello, I have been suffering from Major Depression since I was 28 years old. I am now in my mid-fifties. I have been in and our of mental institutions and have tried suicide many times. i have been on every medication known to man to try and help me with this mental illness, inc which I would never wish on my worst enemy. When asked what it's like to have depression, my only answer is, is that your own mind turns against you. Telling you, that you are aren't worthy, that no one loves and so on so on. I do not have a supportive family. It's just me, my mother, my brother and my bitch-in-law. None of them have any empathy, sympathy or understanding as to what I go through. They don't want to understand it either. I have printed out info for my mom to read, but it goes on top of her hutch never to be read. My Mom is not the loving, nurturing type. I have never received a hug telling me that things will be ok. I was not hugged, nor told I was loved growing up. When I did something that my mother did not like, she would withhold her love by not talking to me for days. My brother is just like her, and we have no relationship at all. If my Mom and I get into it about something, she refuses to call me. It's always been me who had to reach out to her first. She was asked to leave a mental hospital support meeting one time because of her hardness. She refuses to go into counceling with me, because she says she does not want to sit there and be blamed. When my Dad passed away back in 1990, I felt my world ended. My Mom has always shown a difference between my brother and I, and it is still so apparent that it continues. I have tried with both of them to get them to understand. My bitch-in-law's sister even had serious mental issues, in which she talked bad about her. My Mother constantly critizes me, and belittles me to me personally, and to my friends. She talks to me as though I am still a child and will raise her voice to me. Remember, I'm in mid-fifties. I have given up on having any type of relationship with my family. I don't have many friends left, because I barely leave my house. I'm on disability and suffer from anxiety attacks. I just don't want to go on existing, I want to live again. But, I see no way out of it other than suicide. Each time I've tried, I've told no one...never talked about it. But, for one reason or another, my friends will call the police when they can't get in touch with me. I'm so sick of being on this earth feeling unloved and uncared for. I sit at my window looking out at the big tree and wondering if I could get a rope around the highest limb. I don't want to suffer, I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again. Maybe then, I will get my family's attention.