I have had trust issues pretty much my entire life. When I was young (grade 3) I had a best friend called Jim, we were always together and told each other literally everything. I don't know how this came about, but he ended up spreading multiple rumors about me to the entire school. One that sticks out in particular is that i had supposedly put a vacuum cleaner on my dick at Jim's house and used it to get off, which was blatantly ripped off of a movie that had come out around the same time. These rumors resulted in me being a complete outcast in not only public school but high school as well. I thought I would have a chance to start fresh when i started college, but a few people in my residence where from around my home town, and coincidentally were GREAT friends with Jim. The bullying throughout public school and high school was bearable because I always thought I would see the end to it eventually when I went away to college. But just the chance that it could happen again in college has made me extremely introvert. I am afraid to speak to people because everything you communicate gives a small indication into who you are, and your experiences. I analyze everything I say because I am always afraid someone will somehow use it against me. I have been severely depressed for the past 3 years now, and even though the bullying has stopped I simply cannot trust anyone ever, under any circumstances. I have not told a single person up till this point, and I know that I will not tell anyone in real life. The closest up to this point, is my sister telling me to stop smoking because it will kill me, to which I just laughed. Based on the fact that I can not get any help with this I feel as if its over. And if it`s not going to end on this bout of depression then it will on the next. What is the fucking point.