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Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Atheist Demon, Feb 23, 2009.

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  1. Atheist Demon

    Atheist Demon Account Closed

    Do you find it hard to trust ppl? I always get paranoid that ppl for the exception of my mom and aunt, are going to hurt me. The only friend I have, I met through another friend who later betrayed me and hates me. And a lot of my friends used me, and then when I need them, they are no where to be found. As far as the internet goes, I try to trust anyone who "wants" to be my friend. But I got into some fights, or they ignore me and I feel like I did something wrong. I go to a forum made for anime, and I got a lot of friends there but, I feel like they are judging me and/or hate me. I hate that I am so paranoid. But I get used in RL, and I feel like I can trust no one especially if they are non-black. I feel that white, latinos, native americans, etc. will judge me and hate me cause I am black. My mom tells me about history of racism against blacks, and she encountered racism living in 1960s Okmulgee, Oklahoma. And I watch the history channel and they talk a lot on skinheads, KKK, and other hate groups. And I feel that ppl treat me different because of my race. I can trust black ppl cause they are the same, but I do not like to be around most blacks in Tulsa, cause a lot of them are into thug life and act so inappropiately, and I can't relate to most black ppl. (I grew up in a predominately white neighborhood.) So I feel like I can trust no one and will spend the rest of my lfe alone. I even feel that ppl here judge, betrayed, and hate me. And I just don't know what to do. Worries like this is the reason why I wish I was dead. And that hell will be a better place than this. (Although I am an atheist, I believe in heaven and hell, and that I will go to hell cause my existance is invalid).
  2. Shiroi_Hana

    Shiroi_Hana Well-Known Member

    I have so much trouble trusting other people that I have basically been exiling myself from the world for the last six months. I have become unable to trust nearly everyone around me, including my best friend, whom I've known for the last thirteen years of my life, as well as members of my own family. I'm always thinking that they're all talking about me behind my back; that they secretly don't want me around, and then I wonder why they don't just come out and say it to my face. Then, there are my friends who haven't been around in years. They just moved away and forgot about me, or even worse: they still live within five -ten miles of me and still ignore my existence. I know how you feel; it's really hellish being paranoid over who's really your friend and who isn't, and you drive yourself crazy with your suspicions.
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Bryant,
    I relate well with you my friend...I have been used and abused by others all my life. I have lived in isolation to my bedroom for the last fifteen years, and only go out when I have to. I suffer from paranoia, Socialphobia, and augoriphobia. So I have to phsyc myself up to go anywhere. I have been in therapy for three years now and it has helped. Even though I still isolate all the time I am able to get out early in the mornings and have started driving again. I spent the first fourteen years just lying in bed all day and night staring at the ceiling , no interest in anything but death..
    I can understand how you feel about racism because it still exists now adays. Alot of whit people are still prejudice on the one hand but are also afraid of blacks on the otherhand. I am white and I in no way am prejudice, as a matter of fact as I was growing up I had black friends. Now my brother is prejudice because he is a redneck. When he uses the "N" word I just walk away because it really bothers me. My grandaughter is half black and is a very beautiful little girl.She is very intelligent and knows what she wants to be when she grows up.. Ilove her with all my heart. She realises that she is mixed and says if people don't like it thats their loss...I didn't mention shes also a little fiesty...lol...Take care and remember we aren't all bad white or black!!!
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