Do you find it hard to trust ppl? I always get paranoid that ppl for the exception of my mom and aunt, are going to hurt me. The only friend I have, I met through another friend who later betrayed me and hates me. And a lot of my friends used me, and then when I need them, they are no where to be found. As far as the internet goes, I try to trust anyone who "wants" to be my friend. But I got into some fights, or they ignore me and I feel like I did something wrong. I go to a forum made for anime, and I got a lot of friends there but, I feel like they are judging me and/or hate me. I hate that I am so paranoid. But I get used in RL, and I feel like I can trust no one especially if they are non-black. I feel that white, latinos, native americans, etc. will judge me and hate me cause I am black. My mom tells me about history of racism against blacks, and she encountered racism living in 1960s Okmulgee, Oklahoma. And I watch the history channel and they talk a lot on skinheads, KKK, and other hate groups. And I feel that ppl treat me different because of my race. I can trust black ppl cause they are the same, but I do not like to be around most blacks in Tulsa, cause a lot of them are into thug life and act so inappropiately, and I can't relate to most black ppl. (I grew up in a predominately white neighborhood.) So I feel like I can trust no one and will spend the rest of my lfe alone. I even feel that ppl here judge, betrayed, and hate me. And I just don't know what to do. Worries like this is the reason why I wish I was dead. And that hell will be a better place than this. (Although I am an atheist, I believe in heaven and hell, and that I will go to hell cause my existance is invalid).