The topic today in Gullixson's class was: How would you see yourself in ten years? LOl. I was BORN under God's wrath and I'll DIE under his wrath. I was never meant to be of significance to anyone- not even to myself. I was destined for this lifestyle, destined for this fate. The least I can do in any given situation is save myself from further pain. So I think I should end it now while I still have a bit of something to live for because I don't think I can bear the Awful Silence that will plague me in the future. Hehe don't except anyone to understand what I'm saying, rather complicated situation lol no one will believe me anyway. 10 years from now...a rather depressing thought. Ten years and I'll be an estranged loner caught up in my own solitary fantasy world of introspection and meaninglessness, my family isolated from me on my own volition, and just another useless speck in the eye of the world. Religion is worthless. God does not exist. Ten years from now...What a lovely thought. I would have already went through the worst of worst then. Better to just end it now while I still have a bit of sanity and youth left. Few weeks or months from now I will be sent to a mental facility because no one will believe my account of being stalked by certain people. They won't believe a word I say. Few weeks or months from now my report card will come out. And I will sink further into depression. Few days or weeks from now I will go completely berserk and might even go on a murder rampage. That is another way I can get killed- get shot down by the police. A few hours from now I will go semi-crazy because of my mother- her constant migraine-inducing rants and complaints and general insanity will drive me over the brink. Certain people that have come into my life has messed me up even more and drove one step closer to true sanity. Hell or no hell, oblivion or no oblivion, does not matter at all. Not anymore. Death is death, breaking away from this world is what matters. Nothing else rings more true than this. This, is the nirvana- the essence of truth. Death, is freedom. Death, is the key to a vast ocean of nothingness. I want to sink into that ocean.