Try and stop me

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Soul of a Dragon, Jul 30, 2010.

  1. Soul of a Dragon

    Soul of a Dragon Well-Known Member

    Lived with my gf for 3 years, first year was awesome. Second year there were problems, but not related to our relationship. Then third year I was depressed due to my situation in life, with job, education and stuff.

    I was trying to find out what I want to do in life, during that time I acted as major dick towards my gf. I found out my purpose I found out what I want to become and right before things could start getting better my gf said she wants a break for a while. So I thought ok this will make us stronger and bring us together.

    I patiently stay away from contacting her for a month. When I finally contact her she rejects me, she wants to be friends she does not love me anymore bla bla bla. When I visited her at her work I talked to her and she looked and acted totally different, like shes not the same person anymore. I mean she actually looks different, I dont know if anyone noticed. Her face is different.

    I totally made her this way, I created a monster. I cannot forgive myself, neither can I stop Loving her. And she wont give me any chance of doing anything, I talk to her like I never talked before. I became so open like I have never been before, I have realized that I have lost most precious most important thing in my life. And what kills me is that I was only like 2 months late.

    2 months ago you see, she was going to go live with her parents. I was totally an empty shell then so I told her if she does that were over (there were some other motivations behind this as she was acting very cold towards me or so I though, I don't know I was too busy finding myself) But when we reached her parents door we busted in tears and I could see it her eyes how much she loves me. So we didn't separate then.

    Now 2 months later I am a changed man, happy, active, loving, caring, and I don't get any chance to make it up to her. When she talks on chat she is like a person I never knew, its not her its someone else. I guess she is angry at me, because the woman I knew would give me a chance. Because she is a generous and nice soul.

    All I want is proof, I want a date, I want to see her not caring and being cold to me. All the chat talk is nothing to me its air, I want totally intimate circumstances I want no distractions, no one but us. Only then can I believe this is over.

    I know I wont let go that easily, but I would still like some opinions. I refuse to give up on something so important to me, I wont forgive myself if this ends. I will always wait for her. I will always love her. I was so close yet I am so far away now. I can still feel a part of her living inside me. If only I was the person I am now 2 months ago I could have made her the happiest girl on the planet.
    A chance is all I want its all I need its all I hope for.

    My Depression has cost me everything and I think I deserve a chance.
    I also feel deep shame for being a goddamn wussy.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 30, 2010
  2. Deleted SKU

    Deleted SKU Well-Known Member

    I understand the sort of thing you are feeling, because the first time i truly loved someone, it ended in bad circumstances, and i never had that closure. One way or another there were always questions as to the whats and whys, whether it was her or me, whether there was anything that could be done, to the point it drove me mad.

    Years on, those questions are still there, but i've managed to move on from that, am in a good relationship, with a girl who means the world to me, who i love so much that everything before just seems to have almost disappeared.

    I guess what i am saying is that if you feel like you can't give up on this, then don't, but whatever happens, and i know it doesn't feel like it now, there can be a future beyond her.

    You need to respect her feelings, because if you try to pull her too close, she will want to run away further. You say that you acted like a dick, and i guess the first thing to ask is have you told her that? That you recognise that you've hurt her, and are sorry for it? Maybe try to rebuild some trust slowly, maybe ask her for a meal just as friends, to make amends for any pain you've caused her (you know best what has happened between you, and whether that is possible). Try to build up a trust and friendship with her, without looking for love, and maybe you'll both find that love you had in time, or maybe not and things have gone too far for it to be as it was, but at least you will know.

    Relationships aren't easy, i always regretted not trying hard enough to find resolution, but i'm sure if i had pushed too hard, she would have hated me. I'm guessing the last thing you want is for her to hate you. I know i'm not great at relationship advice, but if it were me knowing what i know now, i'd try for friendship.
  3. Soul of a Dragon

    Soul of a Dragon Well-Known Member

    Thank you, I have actually told her everything. I have never been so open in my life. Thats whats bugging me you see, after I showed her how much she means to me. And after telling her I was a dick in detail, like I told every single thing I did wrong.

    Basically I said everything, did not hold back a single thing.
    And so I wonder how come she will not give me the satisfaction of closure.

    P.S. Your words are very wise, you should help more people. I rarely seem to find a person on these forums who could bring to the table as much as you can.
  4. mcviking

    mcviking Well-Known Member

    Well you seem to have broken that sense of trust, which may be why she is treating you so coldly. She may feel that you are talking out of your ass to get her back (I don't believe that but she might) Be honest with her and keep talking.

    If you have said what you need to say its on her; not you. Show her that you still care, but realize it may have been a lost opportunity. The best advice I can give is learn from these mistakes. I know its cold advice, but sometimes this is the best kind. We don't want to accept that it may be the end; but then most times we are the better for it.