Try try and try again

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by smackh2o, Jul 31, 2008.

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  1. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    Well. I've not made a thread in this bit of the forum for some time.
    I'm drunk now and my true feelings are coming out. I want to be nothing. You know what nothing corresponds to. Death. I want to be dead.
    I dont care about the transistion. i want thay to be over with. i just want to be dead. i dont want to die.
    peace maybe.
    i look at mysel;f and ive got arms and legs and things, wow! and what i could do with them. and i dont. because my stupid brain stops me maybe i dont know.
    i need to be killed very quickly by someone. i need my head to stop working,
    help me help god help/.
     
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Sorry to hear that things are so bad right now. Try your best to hang on and things should get better.
     
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello H2O,
    Are you taking meds? the reson I ask is alot of the meds loose their effect from alcohol. What has got you thinking to commit? You ahave been hanging in there for along time.
    You know what we are going to say. You need to go see your doc and let him know what is happening with you!! I think you will feel a little better once you sober up. If you want to talk PM me and you can talk or just vent...
     
  4. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    i'm on meds. But the feelings only come so strongly when im drinking. I know what the easy answer is. stop drinking. but i find it hard. and sometimes i feel so hollow i need to drink so i can feel. my doctor doesnt know what else to do for me, i doubt my therapist does either.
     
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    If your therapist isn't working then you need to find a new one!! Don't let the alcohol control your thoughts. You may need to go back to your doctor and have them reevaluate you. Ask them about any programs that can work with you to determin if you need dual diagnosis. I have been in the hospital with people who were dual diagnosed and once they got out of the hospital they were enrolled in a sort of half way house that handles these kind of thoughts. Take Care...
     
  6. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    I'm scared he will turn around and just say, "umm. Well this is it sorry".
    I like my therapist but she is just telling me the way I want to live, not how to do it. I just can't get my head around it anymore. Too much crap floating around in my brain.
     
  7. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    (((hugs to you)))

    This is true. Drinking can highlight difficult feelings (high) and well as numb them (low) as I know by personal experience. Sometimes alcohol can trigger you into moods you would otherwise not experience. You said in your post that the answer is to give up drinking. What are your current and past drinking habits, if you don't mind me asking? I hope you can get some support for this. :sad:
     
  8. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    Habits are so easily won, but change is a slow, hard process with the inevitable falls. I've only had alcohol a couple of times in my life, but I've had other habits that are as hard to quit. I think that quitting is done most effectively if your have some sort of accountability. I hope you are successful because alcohol and meds don't mix, and you need the meds more than you need alcohol, right?
     
  9. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    :hug: sorry to hear things are bad for you right now but if you keep going i'm sure things will get back on track. Just hold on, there are things worth living for.
     
  10. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    I try cutting down. But i'm just so lonely anyway that eventually I just think what difference does it make. I get low anyway and drink.
    I need a life but it's so scary. How do people do it?

    I agree with what you say about accountability middleofnowhere. I need drive. Disipline.
    How would you overcome meaningless?

    p.s. thanks for all your posts. means a lot to be heard.
     
  11. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello h2o,
    I just thought I would check in with you to see if anything has changed? How are you feeling? If things start looking pretty glim the please go to the hospital and let them know how you are feeling. I will check back with you later....
     
  12. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    I want to go to hospital. But what would I say. I'm feeling crappy?
    I wish I had the guts to get back into the frame of mind I was in a year ago.
    To stop pretending life will get any better. Betterness to me is just harsher worseness anyway.
    I curse the day I was given life. I can live for the sake of living because it is easier than planning my death. But when the time comes and life starts becoming even harder, what with life being life and all, things might swing the other way.
    What do I say to any of these professionals without sounding obsurd?
     
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