Trying but not feeling very safe

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by flowers, Dec 18, 2009.

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  1. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I am trying to be here in the chat area. I hope I can feel safe there. I hope I can be welcomed there. I hope I can have a safe place to sit. It is not my time yet to leave. And as much as I long to leave, I have to stay until my sentence is finally up.

    I hope I can be here at sf chat. tonight the administrators said goodnight to me. I was not saying anything bad. but they said goodnight. I did leave. I waited and tried to come back. But when I came back, someone said he hated me. So I just said i was sorry and left again. I know I have not done anything bad. But I do not know what i have done that seems so bad to people as to ask me to leave and be hated.

    I hope that I can safely just sit here sometimes. I dont really have to talk. just to pop in and sit for a few minutes. During this holiday season the nights and days get so excruciatingly lonely. And this life sentence just is not up yet. thanks
  2. sincredibly

    sincredibly Member

    hi Flowers. I can be your friend.. I am sure the administrator just had to go to sleep and whoever might have said such a thing was just projecting his/her own inward issues unto you and I would encourage you to ignore stuff like that if it ever might happen again in the future.. just my 2c anyway

    do you have msn or any other im application? or... perhaps just a word here and there on the forum would be adequate.. whatever's clever :)
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hiya hun! I was in chat at the time, there was a member who said ''I hate you'' in chat. He was not talking about anyone on the site, I'm really sorry you got that impression, I saw you leave and tried to PM you afterwards , but you have your pm's turned off.
    What was said in chat was not directed at you, I'm sorry that you felt it was. You are very welcome in chat anytime hun! I hope to see you in there again, soon :) :hug:
  4. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hi thank you both for answering.

    I went back to the chatroom and met very nice people. Really really nice people. so I am feeling much better.

    Thank you. Sincredibly, actually they said Goodnight Flowers. So it was directed toward me. Thank you though for the kindness and support.

    Thank you Irish Doll for trying to PM me after that. I left fast. There would not have been a way to pm me. I am just very hurting. In great pain. And very very alone. Trying to hold on. The good thing is that I would not kill myself even though I do long to die. So no one ever has to be concerned with that. Thank you very much for your support. I really apprecitate it.
  5. bonnytree

    bonnytree Member

    Hiya flowers. I'm just looking through these posts. I hope you're ok and well. You sound like a lovely person. I hope you're ok. x
  6. orangejulius

    orangejulius Well-Known Member

    If I could give you a hug right now, I would do so happily. :hugtackles:

    While I have come back and forth to sf in the past few months because of my on and off depression, I've really found that there are a LOT of great people on here. Don't listen to the occasional d-bag. They flock to all forums with the intent to hurt or frustrate.

    I hope you have a beautiful holiday season... I know it can be lonely sometimes, but there are a lot of people out there that love to talk and keep you company, not just here.

    Love ya! I'll be around to talk if you need it. :hugtackles: :hugtackles:
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