Trying so hard..

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Mandy1, Feb 27, 2009.

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  1. Mandy1

    Mandy1 Antiquities Friend & Senior Member

    Ive fought the urge to cut all day and im failing right now,ive tried every distraction i no and it hasnt worked,i dont no what else to do but give in,the pressure is too much,i dont think i can stop myself,i feel the longer i resist the urge the worse i will cut.I dont want to do this but i feel i have no choice.
     
  2. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Amanda,

    You've fought it this long hun, don't give in now :hug:.

    What distraction things have you been using?

    Big hugs, Claire xx
     
  3. Mandy1

    Mandy1 Antiquities Friend & Senior Member

    I havent cut so far,ive tried allsorts,loud music via mp3 to block out the thoughts,ive been for a run,ive screamed and cried,busied my self with housework,even took a ice cold shower,it dont help,right now im pacing the room theres nothing else i can try.Why do i do this to myself.
     
  4. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    * hold some ice cubes in your hands
    * draw pictures of something that is bothering you / who is bothering you
    * draw red lines on the area you want to cut
    * listen to music
    * go for a walk outside
    * wear an elastic band on your wrist and snap it onto skin
    * call a friend or organise going out with a friend
    * use a screwdriver or knife and stab at a piece of wood
    * do sport/exercise
    * scream and shout outside extremely loudly
    * cry - it is allowed
    * if you want to stop self harming - sit down make a list of the reasons why you wish to stop
    * punch a cushion repeatedly until exhausted
    * keep repeating a prayer or poem that you like over and over again
    * break the instrument that you use to harm yourself with - it shows that you have the control over it - it doesn't have control over you
    * try and find creative outlets for your pent up emotions
    * deep breathing techniques coupled with relaxation techniques
    * write a letter to an imaginary person (or on SF) about how you feel - why you feel so upset
     
  5. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    You've got this far hun, please don't give up now.
     
  6. Thinice

    Thinice Well-Known Member

    I think sometimes it takes a bad experience to want to stop. I cut myself earlier today and I made a really deep cut that looks horrible and won't stop bleeding. Right now, I have no desire to cut myself ever again.
     
  7. Mandy1

    Mandy1 Antiquities Friend & Senior Member

    im desperate not to do this,i am trying so hard:sad:
     
  8. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    How are you doing this morning?
     
  9. Mandy1

    Mandy1 Antiquities Friend & Senior Member

    I didnt cut but the urges are still strong,i keep telling myself i can do this,i can fight this and thats exactly what it is a fight.Im just not sure its worth the effort,im totally exhausted,and knowing that if i just get it done i will feel alot better is the hardest torture of all.The thoughts and feelings that triggered this are still there but i cant share them with anyone,thats my problem.
     
  10. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Well done you, that's a huge achievement to still be fighting.

    Maybe you could do something really positive for yourself as a reward for fighting through last night.

    Why is it you feel you can't share the thoughts and feelings behind this with anyone?
     
  11. Mandy1

    Mandy1 Antiquities Friend & Senior Member

    I fear being judged,no matter how many times i tell my self im not to blame and it wasnt my fault it wont sink in.
     
  12. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    those seem to me very good tips to fight on..... I mean I don't know if you tried, but seen you can't talk about what's triggering you would a letter help?
    And if you tried this all, maybe going over it again? :unsure:
    I don't SH and I'm not very familiar with it, but I read from people here that though it seems the solution in the end, if you have been able to fight it till now it would feel bad if you give in.....
    I really think you are very brave for fighting this hard and I just wish you a lot of strenght to keep doing it, and that soon the urge will pass and you find ways to cope, hopefully a way to get things out in a positive and long term effective way for you.
    You're doing great :) , hold on :hug:
     
  13. Mandy1

    Mandy1 Antiquities Friend & Senior Member

    I cant do this no more,theres no fight left ,but thanx for your help.:sad::sad::sad:Im sorry.
     
  14. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Sometimes we have to risk saying what it is. Often we fear judgement because we judge ourselves so harshly, but normally other people will be able to see past the judgements we make on ourselves.

    If you want to talk about it and not be judged for it, then feel free to PM me. I have been told a lot of stuff by a lot of people and often I surprise people because I don't make judgements.

    The offer is there.

    Please look after yourself.
     
  15. Mandy1

    Mandy1 Antiquities Friend & Senior Member

    I didnt cut earlier but now ive had it i cant stand this pain no more,i cant talk about how i feel this is all i can do,how pathetic i feel is unreal,no matter how hard i try it allways wins,fuck it .
     
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