I've always put a brave face on when anything has happened in my life. Nothing has gotten to me enough in recent years to warrant crying, not since I was 13. I now however find myself crying almost every night. As pathetic and melodramatic as this might sound in September my girl friend of a year and a half left me and moved away leaving me feeling how I can only describe as crushed. It is now the end of December and things are only getting worse in my head. I have tried my hardest to move on, I have even been in a relationship with another person but this lasted only 2 weeks as I felt it was unfair on them because the reality of the situation was that I was merely trying to replace my old girl friend (for arguments sake I will call her Jane.) Everything I see, hear even smell reminds me of her. Even things that don't make sense remind me of her, things that bare no relevance still leave me in tears. She came home for Christmas the other day and I met her off the coach and for the hour we spent together I was happy again. Being able to see her smile and smell her made me happy and I had arranged to go to her parent's house tomorrow to see her however we had an argument tonight online and she told me there was no way I could love her because I got with some one else even after I explained myself. She then went on to tell me that the new supposed "best friend" she has met and I have heard so much about is actually fucking her as well. The minute I read that I had to leave the house and I reverted to something I haven't done in a long time, cut myself. The only reason I haven't gone one step further is because at the time I couldn't physically hold the item I was using any longer. I've considered suicide a number of times in the past for numerous different reasons but have always told myself I'm stronger than that, now I'm not so sure and I'm worried if I lose myself in another fit of rage/distress/hatred for myself I might go through with it. I thought maybe talking on here might help but right now I don't feel like anything could ever help.