Trying to be strong

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SpaceJam, Dec 22, 2008.

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  1. SpaceJam

    SpaceJam New Member

    I've always put a brave face on when anything has happened in my life. Nothing has gotten to me enough in recent years to warrant crying, not since I was 13. I now however find myself crying almost every night. As pathetic and melodramatic as this might sound in September my girl friend of a year and a half left me and moved away leaving me feeling how I can only describe as crushed. It is now the end of December and things are only getting worse in my head. I have tried my hardest to move on, I have even been in a relationship with another person but this lasted only 2 weeks as I felt it was unfair on them because the reality of the situation was that I was merely trying to replace my old girl friend (for arguments sake I will call her Jane.) Everything I see, hear even smell reminds me of her. Even things that don't make sense remind me of her, things that bare no relevance still leave me in tears. She came home for Christmas the other day and I met her off the coach and for the hour we spent together I was happy again. Being able to see her smile and smell her made me happy and I had arranged to go to her parent's house tomorrow to see her however we had an argument tonight online and she told me there was no way I could love her because I got with some one else even after I explained myself. She then went on to tell me that the new supposed "best friend" she has met and I have heard so much about is actually fucking her as well. The minute I read that I had to leave the house and I reverted to something I haven't done in a long time, cut myself. The only reason I haven't gone one step further is because at the time I couldn't physically hold the item I was using any longer. I've considered suicide a number of times in the past for numerous different reasons but have always told myself I'm stronger than that, now I'm not so sure and I'm worried if I lose myself in another fit of rage/distress/hatred for myself I might go through with it. I thought maybe talking on here might help but right now I don't feel like anything could ever help.
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum. I am sorry to hear about the struggles. I hope you are able to find support here with us. :hug:
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello Spacejam,

    Welcome to SF.

    I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so low. Hopefully you can find the strength to move on without her :hug: Have you considered having counseling to help you get over this? please don't suffer in silence. There is help :arms:
    I'm always here if you need to talk :)
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    :poke::welcome:to the forum. I hope by signing on here at the forum you will find the support you so desperately need. You should really think about seeing a therapist. They can help put you on the path of recovery. Right now you are greiving and can't accept your loss. Been there! My last relationship I thought was going o.k. We bought a house togethor and were planning our marriage.
    Then bam she turns goth on me and starts going out partying after I would go to work. Then she started staying gone for a day, then a couple of days, then a week ata time. She got tied up with a guy at work and he got her strung out on cocaine again.
    After grief I went to anger and packed my shit and moved out. She came begging me to take her back and I told her OH HELL NO!! I wasn't going to play games with her. I had been down that road with my first wife.
    My point being you will get over it, it takes time and you need to go thru the steps of grief. I don't remeber the rest of them because I never got past anger. A therapist can help you go thru the different stages. Good Luck!!~JOSEPH~
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