i think i have exhausted myself thinking about this. i am 20 years old, living halfway across the world from my parents, and the love of my life is leaving me. in the process of leaving me. i keep trying to do the right things, but its not working. i am not perfect, and i do the best i can. i live alone. so that makes things worse. friends only go so far, and i've tried. she left me once before, i was getting over it after almost a suicide attempt, and then she came back, wanted to give it another go. i say yes. and she is leaving me again. she is a smart woman, so i guess the problem is in me. or thats the way i feel anyway. less of a man than when i started. i spent the greatest days of my life with her, although it wasnt long. i dont want to be an old fart remenescing about the good old days by myself. i know if i try to kill myself, my parents will fall apart. and she will feel guilty, and my friends will mourn me. but what about me? do i keep living in misery and waiting so that everyone else will be happy?. i dont know. who knows. maybe its not worth it. maybe i should just give up and take those pills. i just dont know what to do to make it better. and if could go back 2 years and change things. i would. i would have gone to another country, to another college, doing something else. i am religious, so i believe that i am meant to be here, but why like this? why.