Trying to die...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Nick221, Dec 19, 2010.

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  1. Nick221

    Nick221 Member

    I just found this site about 5 minutes ago, and I was just hoping someone here would talk to me. I have been behind in school extremely seeing as I was in the hospital getting my appendix removed and than a severe sinus infection. My mom and dad also ended up getting surgery the same week - completely coincidental. I used to think I had tons of friends in school (I'm in 9th grade) but I'm finally starting to come to realize I'm all alone... I fooled myself to believe I belonged in this world. I've tried telling my parents how I feel, I told them I wanted to kill myself and that's pretty much all I think about these days, but they aren't taking me seriously. They said you'll be fine and moved on... I have a counselor, but I can never get the nerve to tell him really how I'm feeling. I feel like everyone has too high expectations for me and I can't do it. I'm stressed out beyond belief and I just want to get away from it all. I can't handle all of this. I need someway out :(
     
  2. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    hey nick :smile: welcome to the forums
    it can be hard for people to understand what depression feels like if theyve never experienced it themselfs. i believe you should really tell your counselor how you feel and what your thinking about. bc by hiding it you cant get rid of the issue.
    i hope youll find the support you need on here and my inbox is always open if you need to talk
     
  3. FlashingFlickering

    FlashingFlickering Well-Known Member

    Hello, and welcome to the forum! It's a great accomplishment that you did try reaching out for help by joining here.

    I know what you mean by it being hard to tell the counselor how you're really feeling. Can you just write it all down and give it to them? Or even print out your above post and give it to him?

    You do belong in this world, it's way too early in your life to really find your placement and the purpose just yet! Everything does get better and improve with time.

    What is stressing out that you need to get away from?
     
  4. Nick221

    Nick221 Member

    Thank you very much. I suppose I could try to tell him, I just feel so akward in there. And thank you again for offering to chat. I'll be sure to take you up on that offer sometime.
     
  5. Nick221

    Nick221 Member

    I never thought of that! I guess I could make a list and give it to him. That would work.

    Also I just can't handle all this school work, I'm just randomly being depressed sometimes and I don't know why. Every morning I wake up I'm disappointed that I'm alive. I get picked on at school a lot, I feel like no one understands me, and most of all I feel like there is no point to life. I feel like I'm just another guy that no one needs. I feel like life has no use to me, it's go to school, come home, work, sleep, and than repeat. When I hit 18 it will be work, come home and work more, sleep, and repeat, than die. Life just doesn't seem so appealing. It also doesn't help that the only friends I had in this world have killed themselves in the past 3 months ):
     
  6. FlashingFlickering

    FlashingFlickering Well-Known Member

    Do you think you'll be able to do that for the next time you visit him?

    You said you're in ninth grade. That means you only have four more years in high school. Those four years could become a breeze, you never know. Amazing things could happen in your lifetime, so why not life it to the fullest?
    Do you have any passions or hobbies? A lot of people end up getting a job in something that they love to do, so going to work is a fantastic thing for them!
     
  7. Nick221

    Nick221 Member

    I think I will be able to. And I don't really have a hobby, I've tried to get one... I've tried football, skateboarding, programming, karate, basketball, building things, making videos, art, music, nothing seems to work. Also my dad said I'm not allowed to have a job until I'm 16 because he said I'm going to be working for the rest of my life so why start now. I wanted to get a job but he just won't let me.
     
  8. FlashingFlickering

    FlashingFlickering Well-Known Member

    Have you tried photography? Writing? Caring for pets? The possibilities are endless.
    What kind of things have you considered getting a job in now?
     
  9. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    my dad never wanted me to get a job either. i still dont quite understand why.
    im so sorry for you loss. thats alot of additional weight on your shoulders. i guess keeping yourself distracted with hobbies is a very good idea
     
  10. Nick221

    Nick221 Member

    Working at the holiday inn, working at the hospital maybe cleaning or something, and of course every teenager considers working in a fast food resturaunt trying to pull in some money. I would love to try photography, but I don't have any money for a camera and my parent's can't afford one either. My dad might lose his job actually so we might have to sell the house we just built last year. As for writing all I can think about is depressing things, and everyone told me to stop because all I could write about was depressing things and it was just stupid. I have 2 dogs and they hate me also. I don't know why, I give them treats all the time and walk them and play with them. I wouldn't know where to start for other pet caring aswell. I just wish something could come along that I could finally be happy and live for.
     
  11. Darkness Inside

    Darkness Inside Account Closed

    Im in 11th grade. Highschool has been going safe to say slowly. Im very behind in school. Stuff keeps happening. On monday I got discharged from a Mental Ward. Dont keep it in man. It wont do any good. I kept it in for a long time. Im a fuckup and a failure.
     
  12. Nick221

    Nick221 Member

    You're not a failure. You can still go any direction in your life you want. You have the ability to choose what you want your future to be like :)
     
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