Trying to disappear

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Prinnctopher's Belt, Apr 12, 2013.

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  1. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    My mother reminded me of how much she loves me my entire life by telling me that I'm ugly, a demon, hateful, evil, and "just like the Loves," my biological family's surname, who she despises with a passion. She speaks about me so negatively to other people, even other family members so that they can get a poor perception of me, too. She's told my aunts that she regrets adopting me, that I didn't turn out to be anyone or anything. She told my cousin a couple of days ago that her life would be so much better without me; that she would have so much more and how this that and the other thing would be better for her if only I weren't around.

    Welp, all of this just makes me want to get away. She's lived without me before I moved back in, but that was when my sister was here. But she moved out with her girlfriend, so when I leave, she'll be alone now.

    I've talked to a few people about this, but I know it doesn't make much sense, and I know it's not wise, but I'd rather just go to some strange town somewhere and start there. I've been looking for a ride to somewhere, and so far I have a serious reply and I'd love to take this person's offer, but he's leaving next Wednesday. Going pretty far away.

    No one else thinks it's a good idea but I'm just so sick of everything and remarks from family that I don't give a fuck. Except that I don't have anywhere to go and would literally be on the street someplace where I know no one.

    The problem is that it's more like I'm just trying to run away from everything, and it's a lot easier to do than I thought, instead of going towards something. That was my first response to hearing what she said. Anyway, I'm just in Connecticut now and thinking about whether I want to go. The person who I'd be ridesharing with said I could be dropped off anywhere across several states in the direction he's going next week.

    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 12, 2013
  2. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    Im glad your gonna make it on your own
    do you ahev somewhere to stay, some money etc? keep safe x
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun until you have the finances and a safe place to go to it is not wise hun. I know your mother words are so hurtful hun but you are safe physically safe there anyways. Try to get a place first ok so you know you will not be living on the streets hun hugs
  4. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I completely understand desire to get away. I also do not think it is a bad idea for you to do so. But this strategy and set up is setting yourself up for not only a very dangerous thing, but one likely to end up with you calling her to help you get home and giving her more reason to put you down. Please do not put yourself through that. There are ways to plan it out and make it work relatively quickly that are far safer and far more of a positive move forward than running away.

    Take Care and Be Safe

  5. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    Running away is easy. It's stopping running and going back that's difficult. You may benefit from distancing yourself from your mother. Just running as NJ says is likely to end in you going back and giving her more ammunition. Get away but organise it. Don't just run.
  6. Jackie's Strength

    Jackie's Strength Staff Alumni

    Prinn, I can definitely relate to how you feel. My situation is not as intense as the one you're experiencing, but it can certainly be very unhealthy (my mother just said "Fuck you" to me a few days ago). I desperately want to leave, I know that living on my own would make things a lot better for me, but I simply don't have the resources to do so right now. My therapist says I need to "steel" myself against the environment, and yes, as Theodora mentioned, distance myself from her psychologically. It's certainly not easy to do, and I'm working on moving out, but it'll be some time before I'm able to do so safely and without giving up other things important to me (namely school and a future career). Some food for thought? I know how important it is for you to get away Prinn, I really, really do, but I'd also hate for you to end up in an even more difficult situation. Let's perhaps "steel" and distance ourselves for now, while working towards making the physical move safely in the near future?
  7. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    If you are in the New York area,I have a great couch you can surf on...just let me know..and one big fat cat and I will be here with arms open...your mother is ungrateful, to say the least...when I tried to adopt years ago, they did not let me, because at the time, single parent and interracial adoptions were not permitted...whatever is her motivation (or illness), it is not yours...but plan your life before running, contact a school for graduate education and leave when you are ready...with caring
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