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Trying to end my life at 18..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ZombieNation, Apr 6, 2010.

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  1. ZombieNation

    ZombieNation Active Member

    Well hi everyone, I haven't posted on here for a while - I don't think anyone here knows me anyway.

    I was 18 a few days ago and It's hit me that I have nothing to show for it and how no one is proud of me. I left school at 16 and did really bad in my grades, I found a job after a few months of looking, the job was being a cleaner in a hotel, mainly kitchens - I left this job after about 5 months because I was getting abused and called so many names under the sun, it was killing me (I was cutting). After a few weeks of looking I found a job that was in a farm a few miles away, this farm was a tourist attraction and had fast food places, I was one of the cooks. This job was even worst than the last, I was under stress 24/7 working long hours for a single 20 minute break. The job finally finished at the end of december. I was offerd to work at the weekends or some odd days in the week with another part, I got on well with the bosses and enjoyed the work so I accepted. Now they think I have another job or go to college I'm not sure, I can't ask them for a refferance because of this. Now I struggle with money and travel so I walk 3 miles there and back a few times a week.

    Since January I havent been able to find a full time job and it's not looking any better, I live in a small village - 11 miles away from the nearest town, I can't drive and the buses go like every 2-3 hours. I have one younger brother who makes my life hell, he never listens, screams, steals my things and wakes me up in the middle of the night. He gets away with it because hes the special child.

    5 years ago my mother married some old fashioned stuck up idiot and since then my life has gone down hill. He is the reason I didnt go to college because I had to work and pay my way, even though I would get money from college and would've given them it (I don't mind paying my way, I'm not saying its a bad thing). All I seem to do now a days is go to bed in the early hours of the morning, wake up late, do some house chores to keep my parents quiet then either watch tv or go on the pc. I still look for a job but all the shops/companies in the village and town have about 5 of my application forms each, I'm in still getting e-mails from the job center but I never get any replies.

    As you can tell I pretty much hate myself and my life but I havent told you what gets to me alot, I'm overweight and lack so much confidence, I've lost nearly all my friends - I have one left who gets on the bus with me and goes to the jobcenter to collect his money, he doesnt talk much and doesnt want to do anything so I've probabaly lost him aswell.

    <Mod Edit:IrishDoll,Methods> - I'd appreciate if you could post some helpfull info not just edit out things like this is a job.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 6, 2010
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i8 your life is just starting you have so many options available to you If you are unable to find work then apply for welfare until you can get work. You can now move out on your own apply for student grants to get in to college. new beginnings for you new doors to be opened go to your community agencies and get help okay so you can live independantly there is shelters to live in as well don't give up so easy keep fighting.
  3. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    why cant you go to college, whats stopping you? i understand how hard your life must be but dont give up. you have so much ahead of you you will find your niche in this life, your still young got lots of experiences ahead of you
  4. ZombieNation

    ZombieNation Active Member

    I'm afraid Ive given up already and I wish it would be that easy. I havent found any work for 3 months and it looks like nothing is coming up, Im not quite sure what you mean by student grads because Im british, Im not actually in college/school so anything student based might not apply to me. I know the money available to bums like me with no job and no future wont be enough money to move out and own a flat/household. I sit here and with my life would just end.
  5. ZombieNation

    ZombieNation Active Member

    Unfortunately It's too late into any college terms, Id have to wait untill september as the part time courses are very expencive and I cant get support to go to them because Im now 18, an age where everything changes for the worse. I'm curios what is a niche?
  6. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    niche is somewhere you fit in that your supposed to work at/be at/do. is there no grants you can get to help you go back to college? have you spoken to teh people at the job centre telling them what situation you are in? is there no way you can do something rather than take your own life
  7. ZombieNation

    ZombieNation Active Member

    This depression has just taken over me so much that Im too tired and lifeless to do anything anymore, I havent really spoken to the job center people because Ive been online and checked out all the money you can claim and that. I wanted to be happy and to make things work, sort out a future and get back into my feet. I find myself not wanting help anymore, I used to say that its taking over me, now I know it has.
  8. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I can hear you are feeling really low but don't give up.....
    well done for looking for jobs all the time....that shows you have strength...
    have you thought of volunteer work while you're not working?...gives you the chance to learn more skills and to help keep you busy while helping others..sometimes a door will open for you from the volunteer work...
    take care ...
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