trying to fight but so weak

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by na-taya, Oct 6, 2015.

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  1. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    I have been trying so hard to fight my thoughts but I am getting so tied I don't know how much longer I'll have the strength for I am so tied....


    People don't care what I do with my life so why should they care if I end it, It just don't make sense to me.


    I don't even know why I'm posting this maybe just so somebody can see how much I'm really struggling with living life I can tell anybody else....I'm so lost confused frustrated and hurt I don't know how much longer I can hold on for
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    People care you just have to reach out to the right people ok Talk to your doctor someone you do trust
    If you are too tired to fight now is time to reach out for support so you can have help with what you are feeling
    It does get tiring i hear you it gets hard fighting it all alone You are not alone here ok keep talking to us here
    I care.
     
  3. storm

    storm Well-Known Member

    People really do care even if you can't see it. I care and I don't even know you. So how much more do people that know you care? A lot :)

    Hang in there. And there is no shame in needing help so if you need to reach out (whether it be someone on here or a professional in real life) you totally should. Message me anytime if you need to talk to someone one on one.

    Please do not end your life. There is only ever going to be ONE you. Don't rob the world of that precious gift. :hug:
     
  4. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    Thank you both so much for taking the time to respond to me!!!


    It's hard to reach out to anyone, I have only one friend and I already called her this week just to help me through, I can not keep doing that to her she has her own daughter she need to focus on and her partner...and plus if I lean to much I may loose her and she is the only person in my life by choice the other people in my life are all professionals and get paid to spend time with me......


    I wish I could trust somebody enough to talk but I just can not especially after what happened last time I spoke about feeling this way....


    I know there is only one me and nobody will ever be the same as me again and for that I am thankful for one is more than enough!!!


    I'm trying hard to decide what I want to do because I know this time if I choose to go it will be final nobody will come home to find me as I now live alone......it's enviable that it's gonna happen it's just now a matter of when I can not hold on any longer.....I just need it to all stop so I can have a rest but life doesn't work like that.


    Sorry to put this all down on you guys I just have nothing left
     
  5. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I'm glad you have reached out here. When things get really really bad, sometimes I have had to take things one moment at a time to get through. No big major decisions while I feel that way. Just get through...and eventually the immediate awful feelings settle enough to let us make "good" life-enhancing decisions. If you want to talk about the specific things that get you this down, members at SF are very supportive on the whole. So please share if you wish; and don't if you don't want to., of course. I'm sorry you feel so low and I hope you feel better soon. At least find a brighter spot to sit in for a while. ((hug))
     
  6. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Na-taya, Welcome to this Forum, I am tired like you are, I know what it is like, Thank You for coming here, I want you to hold on, even when you get tired and feel like letting go. Right here now, as you have seen there are people that care, I care too! I don't know you, I might never really know you, your words reached out to me and I felt them, I had no choice but to answer, We Care, We Care For you! Now maybe you know why you posted in here? Please continue to "Hold On" you may not find it right away or even all that you think you need, You will feel better. though! You are safe here! Take care of yourself, You are worth it!
     
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    ((hugs)) Just posting to say I care and hope you feel better soon and find your place in the world.
     
  8. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    Why thank you all so much for your kind words they are very touching....


    I went to see my therapist today I couldn't tell her how I've bee. Feeling I just couldn't do it, I'm so scared...all I have been taught to do is talk about it when it gets hard but I just can't after last time....I've just lost all trust...


    I'm trying so hard to hold on but the fight inside my head is getting to hard and intense...


    I'm so unsettled and feel like I'm loosing control but I just can not show it on the outside but I don't know how much longer I can hold myself up for


    I just am so confused apart from what I want to do to myself I'm just waiting for the right time

    I'm sorry to disappoint and thank you for taking the time out for me
     
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi again hun,

    Instead of ''waiting for the time time to X'' maybe wait for the right time to be open with your therapist, talk to a friend etc.. I do know how you are feeling though I have been there and everything seems so bleak. You have not disappointed anyone because this is not over yet. PLEASE reach out for the help you need. You don't deserve to be feeling this bad , no one does!

    Best of luck to you xox
     
  10. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    Your right nobody should have to feel this way, yet so many do:(


    I would reach out if I could but I no longer trust anyone with this information last time I spoke about it my psychiatrist placed me on forms and was taken to hospital when I didn't want to go but if I ran away the police would have been involved so I was stuck and had no choice in the matter...I can not and will not go through that again I can not even risk it!! That's what makes it even harder I've been told to talk but no I just can not all trust is out the window.


    I'm so lost and don't think I'll ever find my way again, it's a never ending cycle
     
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi again, I'm glad that you agree that no-one should feel this way, because they shouldn't.

    We need to focus on what your options are

    1. Talk to us here freely, get all your feelings and thoughts out. We won't phone the police on you or get you arrested/locked up etc.... sf can be a safe haven for you like it is for thousands of other people suffering too. We do care and will respect you.
    2. You could try counselling but not bring up the suicidal thoughts, but instead bring up why you ARE suicidal, as in what has led you to this point in your life.
    3. You could ring a hotline and talk there to them, the samaritans will not have you locked up, they will simply just listen. I know you are new here and I care about you already, I think you are a great person.
    Please reach out and don't be afraid x
     
  12. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    Thanks so much for your suggestion as what I can do....


    I've been like this for years now since In high school, yes there have been some times were I wasn't as suicidal but that was when I was dealing with many other mental health issues...It's just a cycle that keeps coming back around worse each time when they say it gets better but I don't. Believe that at all....I'm so tied I never get a break from mental health or.being rested I'm over it I really am....I'm tied of it all....


    I just want to sleep and.never wake up again its not worth it at all if my whole life is like this I don't want to keep going at all I'm sick of the cycle.....


    I just don't know what to do anymore everything in me in telling me to open up and be honest about it all but my trust is just so broken than i just can not bring myself to tell anyone I'm so stuck....
     
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