Trying to figure out if there is any reason not too

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Needareason, Dec 20, 2011.

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  1. Needareason

    Needareason New Member

    I am a very methodical person. I have decided that there is no more reason to live but would like to find out if there is any reason not to end my life. I have decided to go just after the new year to see if anything changes but not counting on it. I have lost everything, most of which I never really had anyway. I wake up in tears and takes me a min of an hr to get out of bed in the morning from what goes through my head and the tears. I worked out this morning that the only morning I didn't wake up crying this year was the day a friend of mine woke me up by calling me in tears to tell me she was at an abortion clinic alone cos her boyfriend couldn't be bothered to come so I had to go support her while she had it done which is something I am against. Then I realized that it was my least painful day this year. I had a look online to see if I could find any help but the only thing that I found was people blabbing on about the ones left behind and how it will affect them. The problem is, there is nobody nothing that goes towards keeping me going. I don't want an epiphany the moment I switch the lights out. I know how it will happen and I won't post it here and I'm sure it will work without a glitch so horror stories of when people messed up don't affect me. If anything I'm numb to them and even tho I have chosen a painless way out, physical pain does not scare me. I have been weighing out the pros and cons as I do with any big decision and can't find any cons to this. I know I may sound like I'm looking for an excuse to live but I think I need a reason to live and I just can't find one.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi and welcome to the forum,

    You sound like a very intelligent person, maybe your reason to live is to help others with their problems, at the moment that is my reason. I must ask though, are you seeking any professional help, from maybe a doctor, psychiatrist or therapist? If not I'd highly recommend it. I've been where you're at now and I have pulled through. I've survived numerous serious attempts. I hope you will get through this :hug:
  3. Needareason

    Needareason New Member

    Can't afford it. I work for min wage now and can barely pay my rent, food and heating right now, let alone a taxi to the hospital and back. Even then will get prescribed meds I can't afford. I thought about that while reading up on this forum but then I would still be in the same pain and not sure if I would always try to talk people out of it because I would sympathize with some

    ---------- Post added at 02:02 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:55 AM ----------

    And what I think I mean by a reason to live is more someone to live for. I was once a loving father and husband but that's all gone now, So has being a son,
  4. Belladonna

    Belladonna Well-Known Member

    You helped your weeping friend who you hadn't knocked up despite being pro-life.

    WOW. I wish there were more people like you in the world.

    Plus, you have depression, yet you are so there for your friend.

    I think you just gave me my best birthday present of the day...hope.

    ---------- Post added 21st December 2011 at 12:15 AM ---------- Previous post was 20th December 2011 at 11:02 PM ----------

    I need that too.
    I hope that the first person we find to live for is ourselves.
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