TRying to find a method!

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by GoldenPsych, Jan 10, 2008.

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  1. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    It is very unlikely you would die from cutting as you would prob pass out <Mod edit: graphic detail> I was driving home today and there was so many opportunities to do something. I thought I would crash in to a lorry head on as that way with them being in a lorry they would not be hurt as it is the bigger of the two.

    I think human instinct is very stong to survive. Don't get me wrong I have tried to end it by cutting, I have taken overdoses. But when it comes to something the instinct kicks in. I am certain I will figure a way to do it soon. I need the energy and braveness. I think I will drink a lot before I do and then "fall" in to the road of a car or something so that it looks like an accident. I am looking at the moment in to herbal things that do stuff to the body that react badly with other things. Dont think that will work though. I speak to the doc and he asks me what plans are for the future and cos I have an idea of what I would like to do if everything was ok. As of this I think that he thinks that it is not bad. Surly everyone has ideas of what they would like to be or do outside of their sorrow. It is a dream in a way,dreAM that everything is ok and what would be happening to me. Maybe I need to look at it more from a psychological POV, considering that is what I study. I know on Monday I wanted to die.

    I tried to jump from a moving ambulance. The paramedic managed to grab on to me and then one driving stopped. I was then wrestled to the trolly and strapped on to it. As I had been drinking I wasn't able to fight back. I think they were in my flat about 30mins the police and paramedics before being taken in ambulance. They were very nice to me but I didn't wanna go. I said I wasn't going to go, but the police said I had to go with them or paramedics. I didn;t see what I had done wrong. From being arrested nearly a year ago for being drunk and disordely I knew that I would be there at least overnight. My thinking was I didnt wanna be in a cell again as they smell, everything is filmed and there is no way you can go to loo or anything as is no privacy. BEfore I went I said I needed the toilet and while I was in there I put a razor in my trousers, how the hell they knew I had but they did. I made sure they closed the door while I was in there.

    It is all very hazy really. But being forced to go to hospital was not nice. I had only got superficial cuts but they said I couldn't be left. I thought you could refuse medicaL treatment. So I pretended I was asleep in the ambulance so that I could get him to lose his attention from me but it didn;t work. I was then strapped to the trolley and I tried to wriggle out of it. But the guy was stronger than me.

    I dont want to carry on living the way in which I do at the moment. I want things to be better. I have asked for help but dont know what more I can do. I have been told to give it time, I cant give it anymore. I wish there was some pill i could take that would make everything go away and just feel happy. I don't know if it is just me that feels this way, do other people want things to be better, can they imagine things being better? I can;t see a way out but I wish I could see things and get better.

    I dont know if you read one of my posts after I had cut but I was worried how my bf would react. Well it was not good. He could tell something was up last night. I didn;t want him near me at all. And then he jumped on top of me (not the in the way it sounds) while I was lying on the bed watching tvon my laptop and I squirmed in pain. He had a massive go at me saying that he thought that i thought he must be disgusting as I didnt want him anywhere and he kept going on and on in the end I just said well me legs are sore. It really upset him. He said he just wants me to sort my self out... yeh well so do I! We are a very on and off couple, although we have been together 7 yrs through out this time we have been apart and together all the time, but then nothing has changed between us at all throughout this time he has just said we wernt together when we really were causng me loads of confusion. So then last night he said wasn;t I happy now that we were back together... it made me so angry as not everything revolves aroung him!

    I am having a bit of a rant tonight. I am trying to distract my self from that last razor in the bathroom!

    The wedding isnt until Sat so I can buy new ones tomorrow as being as though he hasnt seen the cuts he wont know it has happened a 2nd time. So tonight I think i will, not to die but to release frustration!

    I am going to set a date!
    15th March 2008. If things are no better that is the night!!!!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 11, 2008
  2. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    I can always try. I just got my coat on to go out buy some <Mod Edit: methods>... the shop is closed. What type of shop closes at 10!!!!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 11, 2008
  3. LILICHIPIE

    LILICHIPIE Well-Known Member

    It is very unlikely you would die from cutting as you would prob pass out from blood loss then it would start to clot. I was driving home today and there was so many opportunities to do something. I thought I would crash in to a lorry head on as that way with them being in a lorry they would not be hurt as it is the bigger of the two.

    You are right to think that you would not die from cutting or overdosing. As for myself, i ve figured out which method would work best.
    However, you MIGHT not want to try to die by crashing your car for 2 main reasons Im sure you re aware of:

    - you might end up very injured, not able to walk, talk. thats crap
    - moreover, you might end up enjuring others. and thats unforgivable. suicide is one's choice ( which I totally respect) but only yours. you wouldnt want a kid or somebody permanently or fatally injured because of your ultimate decision I guess.


    "I think human instinct is very stong to survive. Don't get me wrong I have tried to end it by cutting, I have taken overdoses. But when it comes to something the instinct kicks in. I am certain I will figure a way to do it soon. I need the energy and braveness. "

    I can totally relate to your thought although it takes more strenght to figure out how you might feel a little bit better..writing? talking to a hotline? to a doc? or even restraining yourself??

    I think I will drink a lot before I do and then "fall" in to the road of a car or something so that it looks like an accident. I am looking at the moment in to herbal things that do stuff to the body that react badly with other things. Dont think that will work though. I speak to the doc and he asks me what plans are for the future and cos I have an idea of what I would like to do if everything was ok. As of this I think that he thinks that it is not bad. Surly everyone has ideas of what they would like to be or do outside of their sorrow. It is a dream in a way,dreAM that everything is ok and what would be happening to me. Maybe I need to look at it more from a psychological POV, considering that is what I study.

    you should definitely talk before considering monday. setting upa date isnt helping. what if you "live" after monday( which i Do hope of course)? you will be feeling even worse ( well this happened to me) or usefulness. instead try to think day BY day and not focusing on monday. Moreover, drinking badly can inhibate your feelings, which is the thing you re looking for but what if u end up badly injured ????

    I know on Monday I wanted to die.

    if you feel about it we can talk whenever you want thru the msn or here but consider what ive told you before , please hunI

    I tried to jump from a moving ambulance. The paramedic managed to grab on to me and then one driving stopped. I was then wrestled to the trolly and strapped on to it. As I had been drinking I wasn't able to fight back. I think they were in my flat about 30mins the police and paramedics before being taken in ambulance. They were very nice to me but I didn't wanna go. I said I wasn't going to go, but the police said I had to go with them or paramedics. I didn;t see what I had done wrong. From being arrested nearly a year ago for being drunk and disordely I knew that I would be there at least overnight. My thinking was I didnt wanna be in a cell again as they smell, everything is filmed and there is no way you can go to loo or anything as is no privacy. BEfore I went I said I needed the toilet and while I was in there I put a razor in my trousers, how the hell they knew I had but they did. I made sure they closed the door while I was in there.

    It is all very hazy really. But being forced to go to hospital was not nice. I had only got superficial cuts but they said I couldn't be left. I thought you could refuse medicaL treatment. So I pretended I was asleep in the ambulance so that I could get him to lose his attention from me but it didn;t work. I was then strapped to the trolley and I tried to wriggle out of it. But the guy was stronger than me.

    I dont want to carry on living the way in which I do at the moment. I want things to be better.

    even though im myself suicidial, death is permanent. how things will get better? seeing that you want to improve things is GREAT because theres HOPE.

    I have asked for help but dont know what more I can do. I have been told to give it time, I cant give it anymore. I wish there was some pill i could take that would make everything go away and just feel happy. I don't know if it is just me that feels this way, do other people want things to be better, can they imagine things being better? I can;t see a way out but I wish I could see things and get better.

    I dont know if i can feel better. the only thing i know is that i cant feel worse. as for myself, i know this might be one of my downs ( im bipolar) but anxiety and obsession over death ( browsing methods, dreaming about it) have so much increased for a few weeks, since ive changed meds. I tell myself it ll be alright but sometimes its unbearable, if this can help. we can talk about it if u want.

    I dont know if you read one of my posts after I had cut but I was worried how my bf would react. Well it was not good. He could tell something was up last night. I didn;t want him near me at all. And then he jumped on top of me (not the in the way it sounds) while I was lying on the bed watching tvon my laptop and I squirmed in pain. He had a massive go at me saying that he thought that i thought he must be disgusting as I didnt want him anywhere and he kept going on and on in the end I just said well me legs are sore. It really upset him. He said he just wants me to sort my self out... yeh well so do I! We are a very on and off couple, although we have been together 7 yrs through out this time we have been apart and together all the time, but then nothing has changed between us at all throughout this time he has just said we wernt together when we really were causng me loads of confusion. So then last night he said wasn;t I happy now that we were back together... it made me so angry as not everything revolves aroung him!

    I am having a bit of a rant tonight. I am trying to distract my self from that last razor in the bathroom!

    The wedding isnt until Sat so I can buy new ones tomorrow as being as though he hasnt seen the cuts he wont know it has happened a 2nd time. So tonight I think i will, not to die but to release frustration!

    I am going to set a date!
    15th March 2008. If things are no better that is the night!!!!

    take care and dont hesitate to talk to me. let me know how you re doing tonight. thanks.
     
  4. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    Hi there...

    I've edited a couple of your posts, goldenpsych, as methods aren't allowed here - this is a pro-life forum.

    I hope you begin to feel like your life is a little brighter soon..

    Take care, and keep posting, if it helps getting things off your chest :)

    Abacus21
     
  5. Corieh Infected

    Corieh Infected Well-Known Member

    You know. >>; I'm gonna go post a topic, and like, vent about this, because so many people are describing methods, and, rawr. Venting time!
     
  6. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    I didn't think it was classed as a method if you didn;t put amounts. Sorry I didnt realise!
     
  7. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    No problem - we all learn from our mistakes - think nothing of it :) :hug:
     
  8. ProperlyLast

    ProperlyLast Active Member

    I thought methods were allowed here. That's why I chose to come here in my darkest hours. I needed a site that wasn't afraid of the truth. I'm not saying this isn't a good place, but I can assure you, for me personally, being able to actually discuss real suicide helped me. Now I am confused. Is this a new rule? Is it rather liberal in interpretation?

    I am intrigued how you said this is a pro-life website. If I weren't so scared to write more posts I would have addressed this strange "pro-life vs. pro choice" aspect of suicide discussion.
     
  9. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    The moderators don't want specific discussion of suicide methods, such what drug to take and how much to take or what poison to take etc. They don't want people coming here and reading how to kill themselves. We are here to help you live.
     
  10. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    Methods aren't allowed here, but discussion of suicide is allowed - hence the 'Suicide' section. It's more centred on feelings though, than what things will be taken to achieve death, as, as I've said, they'll be edited out..

    'Real suicide' is still able to be discussed, merely that methods (specific pills, drugs, numbers of XYZ pill, ways to die etc) aren't allowed.
     
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