Hi guys, I found this site after searching on impulse and it looks just what I need. I'm having a really difficult time at the moment although I'm struggled with depression and thoughts of suicide for 11 years now :sad: I had a really unhappy childhood (no s. or p.abuse but I was victimised and neglected) and I don't have any contact with anyone in my family apart from my mum and occasionally dad but they don't know who I am - I'm seen as the intelligent one, the coper. I got married and wanted a baby as I wanted to have the family I never had but my son has a severe disability (no language and learning difficulties) and will be dependent on me for the rest of his life. I love him but it's hard to get my head around how I can need something so badly and end up in this situation because of it. Im also long term ill and my marriage broke up 2 years ago. I'm pretty much alone with my son and don't have anyone. I'm not used to talking about how I feel so I don't have many friends. Im seeing a therapist who is great but I turned up for my appointment today only to be told she's had an energency situation with a member of her family and won't be in. I'm so scared and panicky as I don't know if she'll be there next week either. I'm worried for her and keep wondering if she's ok but the selfish part of me is worried about my appointment. I always seem to lose people - my whole life I've had no one and the person I do have leave me. Life feels crap and I'm constantly trying to find a way forward. I want to be here for my son and feel guilty enough about my feelings as it is, but I'm so trapped. Sorry for the ramble. I hope I can be a support to others too.