Trying to find a way

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by starry01, Nov 20, 2008.

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  1. starry01

    starry01 Member

    Hi guys,

    I found this site after searching on impulse and it looks just what I need. I'm having a really difficult time at the moment although I'm struggled with depression and thoughts of suicide for 11 years now :sad: I had a really unhappy childhood (no s. or p.abuse but I was victimised and neglected) and I don't have any contact with anyone in my family apart from my mum and occasionally dad but they don't know who I am - I'm seen as the intelligent one, the coper.
    I got married and wanted a baby as I wanted to have the family I never had but my son has a severe disability (no language and learning difficulties) and will be dependent on me for the rest of his life. I love him but it's hard to get my head around how I can need something so badly and end up in this situation because of it. Im also long term ill and my marriage broke up 2 years ago. I'm pretty much alone with my son and don't have anyone. I'm not used to talking about how I feel so I don't have many friends. Im seeing a therapist who is great but I turned up for my appointment today only to be told she's had an energency situation with a member of her family and won't be in. I'm so scared and panicky as I don't know if she'll be there next week either. I'm worried for her and keep wondering if she's ok but the selfish part of me is worried about my appointment. I always seem to lose people - my whole life I've had no one and the person I do have leave me.
    Life feels crap and I'm constantly trying to find a way forward. I want to be here for my son and feel guilty enough about my feelings as it is, but I'm so trapped.

    Sorry for the ramble. I hope I can be a support to others too.
  2. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hi and Welcome to Sf dear. I am sorry to read how much you are struggling at the moment but we are here on similar boat. I m sure you will meet people who goes or went thro similar issues and that can help.

    Hope to meet you in chat. Till then i wish you all the best

    be well and stay safe
    granny x
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    welcome to sf :)

    I'm glad you found us!
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and is so scary to try to be in the world feeling alone...hope your therapist returns soon and that you can practice talking about how you feel here so that you can use these skills in the RL..welcome again, J
  5. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    :welcome: Sorry to hear about your situation and really hope things can improve for you. One thing has already because you will certainly find friends and people here to talk to and I know how much of a help that has been to me. Pm me anytime if you want to chat. Otherwise I'm sure I'll see you around the site. Best wishes.S.:smile:
  6. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forums.
  7. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    welcome to sf, i hope you find the support you need.

    i know how it feels to be seen as the 'coper', thats how i am seen but little do they know i have survived only just, i havent let many people inside my guards so i only have a few friends but i have found help here and i hope you do to.

    be safe
  8. starry01

    starry01 Member

    Thanks for the welcomes - nice to hear from people who have similar feelings.
  9. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum. You will find support from many people here that can understand the issues you are dealing with. :hug:
  10. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF :hug:
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