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Trying to find help with the struggle

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by vixies77, Sep 5, 2012.

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  1. vixies77

    vixies77 Member

    Hi everyone, my name is Vikki, I'm 25 years old.. umm.. :new: explains it best..haha I have "self diagnosed" social anxiety/anxiety/depression. Never really had the money to see a professional or the will and motivation to try to find some free/cheap help. So in a time of deep despair I just did a quick search and stumbled on this site. I'm not very good with meeting new people..or interacting with most friends and acquaintances for that matter. But my hope is to force myself out of my shell enough to at least know that I'm not alone.

    I go through periods of what I call deep depressions--I get ok for awhile, happy even, then I get this timeframe (a few weeks to a few months sometimes) where it's like a grey field of vision is put over me. On the best days, I move around normally, do what I need to do, and make sure I eat and try to at least have some type of social interaction. On the worst days I cry for hours on end, wanting to reach out to someone but not wanting to feel like a burden. In the end I wind up isolating myself from the people that do wind up showing some kind of interest in my feelings. I don't really know why I do this..at the time I just think it's what makes me more comfortable. But it actually just makes me feel more alone and depressed.

    My current state would probably best be described as..coping. Each day is a struggle to get out of bed, but eventually I do. I tried making lists, both written and mental, as to why I should stay alive. I try to be my best friend most importantly...try to force myself to eat when I don't feel like it, opt for the music that will at least not make me more depressed, try to force myself to do the things I used to be interested in with a hope that maybe it will make me happy once again.

    I've been through this before, multiple times for about the past 13 years. So I know deep down that if I end it now, I might miss out on some awesome stuff. :yeah: so right now that's what I'm clinging to. Anyway, thanks for reading my story. Hope to at least meet some people who know where I'm coming from and who I know won't see me as grabbing for attention or being a burden. :/
  2. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    hi vikki and welcome.. yes fought the beast of severe depression myself for most of my life.. finally got some good pro help and found the right combo of antidepressants to help keep the beast at bay for better part of each day.. think you should try the same.. believe me, it like taking a hundred pound weight off your body..

    look around some at all the forums. see if find a fit there.. vikki lots of terribly depressed people on here just looking for someone else to be with.. hope this place turns out to give you some comfort and friends..

    hope to hear some mroe from you soon.. tc, JIm
  3. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Honey, Hi, and welcome to SF........ You are right when you say that deep down you know things can change for the better, and they will, once you know the skills for dealing with the grey field of vision that descends at times - and you have learned some of these skills already, by finding better thoughts to dwell on.

    You see, we tend to get what we look at, what we focus on. Most of all, how we perceive our identity as being..... it's very difficult to do anything that is contrary to the concept we have of ourself. So, if our inner conversations that we have with ourselves cause us to come to negative conclusions, this is where the trouble is, and we have to find ways to medicate this - and the best medicine for it is Truth.

    It is true that things don't always need to stay the same. It is true that by ending it now you would be missing out on awesome stuff. It is true that you can teach your mind how to be your best friend. It is true that you already are able to look after your body concerning food and giving it proper nutrition, so it is true that you have the ability to also feed yourself better thoughts, hun :)

    I do know, EXACTLY how it is like to find this such a struggle - but that was when I found the key to getting out of the pit. And it's one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time, while we receive new insights, and new hope comes :)

    SF is a wonderful caring place with many good listeners who are here to support you and offer perspective - well done for reaching out on here, we help each other :)
  4. vixies77

    vixies77 Member

    thank you so much, that really touched me :) That's exactly what I'm trying to focus on right now. Telling myself to for once not look at the big picture or try to perceive the future, but that for now, it is OK to just focus on this moment. And surviving minute by minute. Baby steps ;) Thanks for welcoming me
  5. A.SoNiC.boY

    A.SoNiC.boY Well-Known Member

    Welcome! i normally don't pay that much attention to this section but noticed you are the same age and East Coast too! so hiii!
  6. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Pleasure..... PM any time also, if you'd like :)
  7. vixies77

    vixies77 Member

    Lol Well that's awesome, are you in the US east coast or is that Canadian east coast? lol And glad you posted on my thread, I must admit I seen you around quite a bit on here, and had to listen to some of your songs. Pretty awesome :-o
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