Trying to find the appeal...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Ihatemyselfalot, Aug 12, 2010.

  1. Ihatemyselfalot

    Ihatemyselfalot Banned Member

    People keep saying that life is an amazing thing, that life is good, and its what you make it...

    Maybe its just me, I don't know...

    I live in northern England, I work a job I hate, and I'm too dumb to do anything, the highest score I got was a D in art at school because I used to be good with a pencil, which I'm not any more...

    I get up, then I go to work, and I contemplate suicide all day, the two comforts I get at work are the clock rolling onto 4:30, and the mental image I have of putting a SPAS 12 under my chin and blowing my head clean off my body, and imagining what the bloody stump that used to be the top of my neck would look like and what the splatter factor on the walls would look like, and all the chunks of head would look like on the floor and stuck to the walls, slowly sliding down the wall then onto the floor, and that's what keeps me going all day...

    Then there is the social factor, and I have no social skills, and I have no confidence or any reason to have any confidence although I can fake confidence and social skills, and tbh, all the people I know and "like" bore the living hell out of me, or they just make me feel inadiquate because they are so much smarter than me or more talented than me, because I don't have a single creative braincell in my head, I have tried, and I got nothing up there, I'm just a dead headed moron, I think there is a minority who are like me who usually turn out to be chavs or yuppies, and I am one of them, but for some reason I'm not a chav or a yuppie...
    And the stuff we do too, like drinking alcohol...
    What a pointless useless drug, what a waste of money and life to sit there drinking alcohol, I do it because it takes away that feeling of knowing my vapid shitty life is true...
    Its all anybody does though, that's the social norm, and there is noting else to do on a weekend.

    Women can't stand me, I'm pretty ugly, but I'm sure that's not all that important, but I'm quiet and useless and women don't like that...

    I'm just trying to get the appeal, why I would like life...

    Once again, this doesn't sound the way I intended, but I'm not smart enough to make it sound the way I intended, so I'll just leave it at that...
     
  2. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Can't argue with you, shit sucks.
    Life is just one painful endeavor after the other-- anyone who wasn't born into a family who has billions of dollars will have to waste their time working worthless menial jobs and blahblahblah...

    I am having a really hard time finding anything that I used to enjoy-- enjoyable these days. I don't really like doing anything. I've lost any and all pleasure that I used to have in life and it sucks.

    But when you look at a steaming pile of shit infront of you-- you can think one of two things.
    You can think: "Damn... that's a giant pile of shit. That shit stinks."
    or you can be one of those people who believe that 'life is what you make of it' and think: "Gee... the human body sure can do amazing things! This pile of shit used to be half a tonne of McDonalds in my digestive system just hours ago! Amazing!!"
     
  3. Ihatemyselfalot

    Ihatemyselfalot Banned Member

    I agree with that, I used to be into music a lot, but now its got no appeal to me any more, and tbh, whenever I see somebody who is good at music I just feel inadiquate compared to them now because I'm just untalented and uncreative.

    I have tried to make it good, but it doesn't really matter, the system is designed to keep me as a slave producing and consuming.