Trying to Fix Things.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by throwitup4mk, Oct 25, 2012.

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  1. throwitup4mk

    throwitup4mk Account Closed

    If I had somewhere else to go at the moment I'd be going there. Things actually got better for a good while recently since I started school. The loneliness now (particularly lack of a woman) is destroying me. I talk to two girls at school and I was considering asking X girl out but I checked her facebook and she has a boyfriend. Other girl I was going to ask out also has a boyfriend, but that may not be a problem, but I doubt it would work out anyway, given I can't really do anything relevant at school. I wouldn't mind being friends with girls if I actually had a girlfriend, and it's incredibly disconcerting how many attractive beautiful females have liked me (within the past 4 years) but I never seem to get anywhere. A lot of these were because they were relationships online, but I met two girls from Okcupid and I regret how they turned out. I could have gotten either of them to date me probably, but I need more practice. It's awful because I live at home with my mom and despite having some financial aid money left I have no job, and it's such a bitch to actually find girls. EVERYONE is engaged, married, pregnant, or in a relationship. I have very little experience as well. Even if I can cope with being lonely for awhile longer, it's inevitable this problem is going to keep coming back worse until it's solve.d Talking about it feeels fucking useless, but what the fuck do I fucking do. EVeryone that is even halfway decent and has something in common with is already dating someone. It's fucking irritating.

    So back to square one on this. And then there's other things like having to spend a large portion of my time undoing the circumcision damage to my dick through foreskin restoration, which as good as this is for my mental state it is also irritating time consuming and forces me to confront that I had the best part of my penis cut off at birth. Also wearing medical tape over my glans doesn't really make me feel anymore confident around girls in case there's ever a fleeting chance for intimacy, but it's either this or go back to nearly no feeling, and having my cock hurt whenever it rubs up against my pants.

    I wish I was still egible for plasma donating but don't live close enough to where I used to, the plasma bank in milwaukee is about the scariest fucking place I've ever been to. If I was making 100-200 a month from plasma like I used to my money wouldn't be going nearly as fast. All my friends live 40 minutes away in Kenosha, and trying to get anyone to hang out here is apparently fucking impossible.

    I'm 24 and haven't done shit with my life besides my fucking Youtube channel but it brings me a ton of stress as well for what I have to talk about on there, I can't do this on my own anymore, and it's like I don't want to add a job on top of school and my shit life if I have nothing to look forward to. It pisses me off to see women take how they can always get a boyfriend anytime for granted, and then bitch about how shitty they are, when there are plenty of guys who would treat her better, but they aren't the stereotypical asshole that attracts woman. I don't fucking know I really don't

    I'm trying to actually improve my life, and it seems most people here just want to complain and don't try to actually get anything acomplished well I spend a lot of time self-actualizing. I need to get a girl, job, and stop living with my parent. My desire to hold a girl again is killing me, like fuck sex, so many guys are just horny dumbasses, and while I would love that, it would be nice just to hav ea girl there for me, ad someone to hold and stuff.

    And lastly I had a falling out with my former best friend (a girl) who lives a state away who I am attracted to and she used to be attracted to me and we talked about it a lot even though she had a obyfriend, we've barely been talking for a YEAR now, and every time I try to forget her and move on she'lltext me and then I'll respond and I snapped in a message today when I told her I wasn't doing anything this week. and she told me I should do something. I am in a really bad mood, and told her how I felt about what she was doing in a harsh tone but wasn't overly mean. I think I can fix it and at least get it back to our old shit relationship where we never talk, which feels better to me even if it's probably best to cut it loose. The uncertainity about our status as friends/whatever has bothered me for a long time.

    That's about it for now. Don't really expect to get any useful advice on here. but w.e
     
  2. midnightstar

    midnightstar Senior Member

    Do you have anything you enjoy doing offline? Maybe try finding an after school club or something so you get to meet new girls? :hug:
     
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Hmm... well I say that you need to let the money thing go a bit. You are in college, being a poor college student is acceptable. Yes having money helps more in a relationship, but other college girls are willing to forgive you for being poor... I think.

    I have been told having lots of attractive female friends is something that will help your dating life. I could not tell you from experience.

    I also suggest that you stop checking girls relationship status online. Make her tell you that she is taken. How do you know that any of these girls are not just with their boyfriend to not be single?

    Otherwise, I say finish college, get a job, and get out on your own then focus on dating.
     
  4. Nevergiveup

    Nevergiveup Member

    Hey ! i can understand your feeling but for me it's a bit different. I'm really shy,
    like you some girls liked me but you seems to be luckier than me, cause mine were not really attractive, haha.
    Actualy i never get a girlfriend and i always reject this on "i'm difficult, i want a beautiful gf, i can wait " but the truth it's because i'm shy and afraid to be hurt (like a coward), I was also hurt with girls when i was young.
    During 7 to 9 years old i was in love with a girl in my school, i truly liked her but it was not shared and the worst thing is that she bullied me during this 2 years (i think it's cause of that i'm really shy and afraid) after, when i was 12 years old i was a closer friend with a girl that i really liked her, i think i fallen in loved but cause i was shy and afraid i take to much time to ask her, so one of my best friends act first and then they have been together for 6 years it hurt me badly.
    During my 8 to 15 I was bullied about my lips (They are big) so people call me cocksucker and others shit like this but sometimes it was really funny haha. this make me lost my confident. We are similar in some way I think, we should talk together, it could be interesting. :)

    PS : I'm french, i'm sorry for my english :)
     
  5. throwitup4mk

    throwitup4mk Account Closed

    Thanks for the advice. I'm trying to hang in there. I think it will and it I think it makes you look more attractive. I actually had another girl talk to me, when I was with X attractive girl. I need to focus on getting out AT LEAST once a week, ideally at least twice, which is hard to fucking do.

    I'm going to send you a quick PM. Going to do some writing in my notebook and sort things out despite the fact it's 4 and I have a midterm due by Midnight tomorrow.

    Also Midnight star, that's not a bad idea. I need to focus on getting off the computer more. It's difficult where i live now NO FRIENDS HERE, everyone is in Kenosha. It's frustrating because I had some friends from Facebook but this one girl flakes EVERY TIME we try to hang out.
     
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