trying to hang on through tomorrow...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by MdngtRain, Nov 10, 2013.

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  1. MdngtRain

    MdngtRain Well-Known Member

    I haven't been here in a while. been trying to get myself together. nothing has really worked.
    i start an intensive outpatient program tomorrow, but it's really difficult getting to tomorrow morning. the hopelessness is only letting up because I gave in and self-harmed. the problem with that is I want to do it more because it brings some relief. My therapist has agreed not to react strongly to the self harm as long as it's keeping me alive. But I have to reach out first. I've been trying various places/people all weekend with no real relief. So I sh'd. I don't do well on the phone, so I am trying to pass the time until the crisis chats open at 2 (30 more minutes). I really want to give the program a shot tomorrow. I really want to hold it together so I can continue with my current therapist (she's a specific-trauma therapist. the company she works with only allows "stable" clients (to be able to work on the trauma stuff). If I end up inpatient for more than a weekend, or am too unstable, I will be referred out... I really don't want to lose my therapist or this opportunity to work on this trauma...).
    The really strong hopelessness has been around for about 2 weeks. I only admitted the intensity to my T last week, and we managed to get me into a program starting monday... the problem with waiting so long to admit it is that it's harder to stave off. I'm really trying to just keep breathing. I don;t know what else to do right now. I don't want to go inpatient. I don;t want to sh so badly that I have to seek medical attention for it, because that would guarantee an inpatient stay. :/
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun so glad that you are talking here then Can you turn a movie on a comedy or adventure something that will help past time. Music or call a friend to go shopping It is hard i know but you can do this stay well enough until tomorrow ok take a long bath warm cup of tea do all the things you can do to just get your mind on different things hugs toyou
     
  3. MdngtRain

    MdngtRain Well-Known Member

    Thanks. Trying to pass the time, but I'm so restless. Watching tv with my wife, but I can't sit still... time creeps so slowly when I feel this Crappy. I just want to get tomorrow over with. I want to know what the reactions will be, what the consequences for honesty will be...
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope you can stay well enough to get into program ok you stay safe do that for YOU and for your family no consequences ok for coping
    You tell them only what they need to know to get in then get the help you deserve ok to heal
     
  5. MdngtRain

    MdngtRain Well-Known Member

    Today was very triggering. If it's this bad again on Wednesday, I will just show up at t's office. She said I could do that if I needed help and don't know how to ask. So hopeless right now :(
     
  6. MdngtRain

    MdngtRain Well-Known Member

    going to drop my lizards off with someone from the local herp society... they need better care... :(
     
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