Trying To Heal

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by ashleyneedshope29, Aug 30, 2016.

  1. ashleyneedshope29

    ashleyneedshope29 Active Member

    My name is ashley and I can relate to so many of your brave stories and strengh that you all have shared. My story happened when I was a little girl my brother was physicaly and sexualy abusive to me for years. My mother cought my brother one time abusing me and sent him back to his room shut my door and walked back down stars. He eventualy lived with my piece of shit alcaholic father in houstin but what really hurt the most is my mother continues to this day have a relationship with him. I dont understaid how you can have a relationship with your child who physically and sexually abused the other. My mother and I dont have a relationship and im great with that. I had no one there for me and I was all alone. I feel that my grandfathers spirit helped me alot Im just happy that im getting help now because I know I need it.
  2. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hey Ashley, I'm sorry you went through this and your mother didn't deal with the situation at the time. I think the only way to deal with something like that is therapy and working through it. It wasn't your fault as many children feel when it happens, you were innocent and not able to make a descision about something you didn't know about. Take care of yourself
  3. moxman

    moxman I am proud to call Rosie, my best friend =) Forum Pro

    Hello Ashley, I am Mox

    I can't believe that your mom witnessed you being abused and did nothing to help you. WTF was wrong with her?

    Unfortunately, I am in a very similar situation with my children. My son sexually molested my daughter; and I lost custody of her. My son was 15 at the time and my daughter was 12. I am so angry at him for hurting her and all havoc that caused in my life. I feel like in some way he ruined my life, I was trying to get the ex-wife out of my life. I hurt a lot from that night, I don't know how to "process it" But after what he did, she is firmly planted in my life for the foreseeable future. I honestly, do not how to handle everything. She is just so f'g toxic, she drives me crazy. The ex-wife is a huge stressor for me and I just want this woman out of my life.

    The ex-wife was awarded full custody of her. My ex-wife is is extremely unhealthy and toxic. She can't take care of cat ; much less a beautiful angel, like my daughter. My "brilliant" ex-wife refuses to get Madeline to see a counselor because "they may talk about her behind her back." Honestly, my poor daughter is a sex abuse victim and she is not getting any of the help she needs. I have talked to other members here who were the victims of sexual assault. They have all said it is a very confusing and hurtful ordeal. My daughter and I are best friends. She refuses to talk to me about that night and what happened. I just feel like she is hurting and she's not getting the help she needs due to my stupid ex wife. I worry about her carrying this horrible ordeal for a long time, and it just hurts her more. (Have I ever told you how much I love her?) My daughter's therapist one time told me; that I was the only thing keeping her emotionally healthy. I am full of worry for my daughter being stuck in that toxic environment. We text each other a lot in the evenings. I pick her up everyday after school and we have D&D time. (Daddy and Daughter time) My daughter and I, always kid around and joke and act goofy and silly. I call her the "boss lady" because she is always "firing me" for different stuff. If I haven't been fired at least 10 times in one day, I obviously did not pick on her enough.

    But with my son doing the horrible thing he did. They will never allow me to have custody of my daughter; as long as my son lives with me. (I love that girl so much, it broke my heart to lose custody of her.) We went through DSS and Juvenile Offenders program for my son. My son is borderline retarded and possibly bipolar. That does not excuse the horrible act he committed that night. But I seriously doubt he will be able to live on his on. He will probably always live with me because he can't function properly in society. I doubt he will ever be able to work a job. I have so many conflicting emotions about him. I am very angry at him for hurting my little girl. I am scared for him and his future and what kind of life is he going to be able to lead. I don't know how to handle it and some nights I just cry because , I don't know what else to do. I feel very alone and isolated being in this horrible situation. I mean seriously, what do you do in this nightmare of a situation; what do you say?

    The kids are never allowed to be together, they have to kept separate at all times.

    Feel free to read my story below in green and maybe give you an idea of what all I have been through.

    I feel like I am very suicidal, but I could never hurt my daughter like that. That would devastate her. She is the only thing keeping me here.

    Take Care
  4. ashleyneedshope29

    ashleyneedshope29 Active Member

    Hi mox I understaind your situation. When I was going through the abuse the counseler told my mother that my brother and I are not to be around each other and to send him to my fathers to live with him because if my brother didnt leave the abuse would continue so I understaind that you dont like your wife but your children need to be seperated period. They dont need to be around each other. I know you love your son verry much have you concidered other living options for him if decide to get custedy of your daughter because as long as hes living with you that will never happen.
  5. moxman

    moxman I am proud to call Rosie, my best friend =) Forum Pro

    I know, I just miss her so much. I feel like she is hurting, and I am powerless to do anything about it. I know sometimes life's not fair, and sometimes life just sucks. This though just really hurts me. I only have a limited time with her and now my time with her is a lot less. I feel like I failed her by not protecting her. (I was asleep when this happened).
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi @ashleyneedshope29 I am so sorry this happened to you, what the hell was your mother thinking of???

    But the main point is now and at the present, you got through this abuse, you are still here fighting this. I'm glad you are happy about not talking to your mom. She does not deserve such a lovely daughter like yourself.

    Remember none of this was your fault. None of it. If you ever want to talk PM me honey x