Trying to hold on after breakdown

Angel777

Well-Known Member
#1
Had such a horrible day today , been trying to get things done , slowly, but the supermarket did me in , I was just walking down the isle , and I knew I’d overdone it, started to feel panicky , quite emotional, so I had to go to the cafe , and calm down . I was just sitting there thinking of my life , and how alone I feel with my illness, thinking about my depressant dosage and how it has tripled ,to cope with my horrific symptoms of depression , (the tablets are keeping me alive at the moment )I was just sitting there looking out the window thinking my life is over , can’t afford a college course ,but to be Honest I’m too ill for that , and work too , hate being a burden to my boyfreind of 19 years . I was once going places, flying high , but not now , I’m so burnt out ,from all the stress, I just don’t know myself anymore , just see myself as a complete failure . I’ve never felt this neg about everything , but I think life now just seems so hard for me and neg. I’m getting older, and now I feel I’m officially on the scrap heap . my doctor sais I have to take things one day at a time ,and cut out stress, as my body can’t tolertae it in excess. If I push to much ile have another breakdown .but where does that leave me . My self esteem is shattered .
 

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
#2
Hun your doctor should have told you just to get through each moment the best way you know how. Take the task in front of you and get through that a simple task like just getting your groceries paid for and get home ok. In you home you can reset your mind and calm your brain. I am sorry you are having such a bad time right now.
 

Petal

~*Mod Extraordinaire*~
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#3
Hello @Angel777 Do you always suffer with anxiety like you did in the shopping aisle? Maybe you could give therapy a try to see if that would help and make a difference or try mindfulness at home. Your doctor is right, take each day as it comes and keep the tasks simple, down to 1-3 things, I hope that would help. You're not a failure. Your illness may be feeding those sort of thoughts but its not true that you're a failure. Keep talking here with us and we will try and support you as much as possible. Best wishes x
 

Angel777

Well-Known Member
#4
Thankyou so much for your help, I have had depression and anxiety for 20 years , and have always managed to cope as best as I can with the anxiety , but these last few years have been so stressfull, my Father died, I’ve been in fear of redundancy with my partners job, feeling neg about all my achievements , as I’ve been comparing myself to all the high flyers around me , and thinking I’m so thick. I know the illness is making me feel so neg , that I’m not smart enough , that I’m worthless. And I’m finding it difficult to see, that I’m enough. The breakdown was due to worrying to much , about the future , for not reaching my full potential , and thinking iile rot in a low skilled job , because my options are not there. I’m going to see a differant doctor about getting medication for my anxiety , as I’m just not coping very well at all, it seems like a positive step. My first step is just to get well, it’s now a case of an hr at a time , and I think I i need to get into counseling again for my self esteem , as it’s so bad . Thankyou , again , when everything is black it’s hard to see what to do that can help, but your reply’s are right .
 

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