Had such a horrible day today , been trying to get things done , slowly, but the supermarket did me in , I was just walking down the isle , and I knew I’d overdone it, started to feel panicky , quite emotional, so I had to go to the cafe , and calm down . I was just sitting there thinking of my life , and how alone I feel with my illness, thinking about my depressant dosage and how it has tripled ,to cope with my horrific symptoms of depression , (the tablets are keeping me alive at the moment )I was just sitting there looking out the window thinking my life is over , can’t afford a college course ,but to be Honest I’m too ill for that , and work too , hate being a burden to my boyfreind of 19 years . I was once going places, flying high , but not now , I’m so burnt out ,from all the stress, I just don’t know myself anymore , just see myself as a complete failure . I’ve never felt this neg about everything , but I think life now just seems so hard for me and neg. I’m getting older, and now I feel I’m officially on the scrap heap . my doctor sais I have to take things one day at a time ,and cut out stress, as my body can’t tolertae it in excess. If I push to much ile have another breakdown .but where does that leave me . My self esteem is shattered .