I want this emotional pain to end. I'm bipolar in a mixed episode--depressed and irritable with anxiety. Plus we're in the process of having our master bath remodeled, tearing it up and redoing it--lots of strange people in and out. My sense of safety and stability is important to my remaining stable and its in the trash right now. When I am very depressed or in a mixed episode I have suicidal thoughts. Add to that anxiety and or lack of stability and suicide becomes a really strong thought or desire. I am managing right now, although torn apart inside. My adult son is visiting us today--leaving tomorrow. Company coming for dinner tomorrow evening. I'm hanging in there but I'm so frazzled inside. I just need to vent to someone who understands. I always fulfill my commitments so I know i'll get through tomorrow evening. After that, if I can't manage the suicidal thoughts and feelings, I might have hubby take me to the hospital 30+ miles away. I don't want to go but if I can't trust myself, what else can I do? Thanks for listening.