I really do not know what is wrong with me. But I cannot get these thoughts of suicide out of my head. I feel so stupid and ashamed other people have worse problems than me why can't I just rise above this. It is harder and harder to keep up the act. My kids are seeing a mom who is slipping away. My husband is at a loss too. I have never told him how close I am to ending my life he would not be able to handle it. I am afraid to get professional help because because I cannot let my kids see me go through being hospitalized. It is a relief to just to be able to say I want to end my life without judgement from anyone. I need help but I cannot seem to reach out...... Thanks for listening to me ramble.