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Trying to hold on

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Tigger70, Nov 4, 2012.

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  1. Tigger70

    Tigger70 New Member

    I really do not know what is wrong with me. But I cannot get these thoughts of suicide out of my head. I feel so stupid and ashamed other people have worse problems than me why can't I just rise above this. It is harder and harder to keep up the act. My kids are seeing a mom who is slipping away. My husband is at a loss too. I have never told him how close I am to ending my life he would not be able to handle it. I am afraid to get professional help because because I cannot let my kids see me go through being hospitalized. It is a relief to just to be able to say I want to end my life without judgement from anyone. I need help but I cannot seem to reach out...... Thanks for listening to me ramble.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Tigger and welcome...what is worse, getting help or feeling like this? Your children if older will understand and if younger do not have to know all that is going on...can your husband serve as your advocate and make the necessary appointments? Or can you be seen at an emergency service? Please do not worry about anyone but yourself and remember, pain is not a contest...you hurt and you deserve care...please let us know how you are doing
  3. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    Sure, everyone here has their own problems, but I think one important thing to understand is that everyone's problems are different and that no one's problems are worse than anyone else's. We all have our demons that threaten to shut us down and while you might not feel yours are as bad as anyone else's here, just know that to you, your problems are just as bad as what anyone else here is going through.
    Although I cannot comment on your personal life or your own thoughts about hospital and not wanting your children see you go through any of that, at least you have made a step in seeking for help here on SF. For now, with a community such as this to whom you can talk and pass on stories (et cetera) with, you can at least gain some insight into what you could want to do in the future.
    Here you are never alone, you have everyone backing you up at all times.

    And if I can, a big cooee from everyone from the Commonwealth of Australiasia and also from SF's own PowerPuff representative (spreading happiness and smiles through even the gloomiest of days).
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your children need a mother who is well hun not thinking of leaving them that would harm them for life You can go in and get help hun so you can get stable for YOU and your family hugs
  5. Tigger70

    Tigger70 New Member

    Thx for your words. I struggle with whether it is better for me to be a burden on my children or just leave and let them move on and maybe my husband will find someone who will be better for them. They do not deserve to have their life complicated with a depressed mom. I am so confused but it helps to get these feelings out.
  6. alyssaswoon

    alyssaswoon Well-Known Member

    I'm sure your husband and children would be destroyed if they didn't have you around anymore, no one is better off dead.
    You don't necessarily need to be in the hospital to get help with your depression, seeing a therapist on a weekly basis can do wonders. At least with the help of a professional you'll learn how to cope with your depression and/or start a medication to help with your feelings of suicide.
    I know sometimes you believe you're being a burden on your loved ones and they'd be better off without you, but it isn't true. Having you take your own life affects your loved ones in a negative way for the rest of their lives. I'm sure your family would gladly stand by your side while you get help, after all, admitting you need help is a brave thing to do.
  7. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    When it comes to children, yes, it is a difficult indeed to even think about, but for me, I personally believe that no matter a parent goes through,they will understand if you are willing and able to sit down with them and have a talk about what what you are experiencing and while I do not know what age your children are, nor how difficult it may be to to talk with them, they will understand and also give you the support you need. My mum has gone through a nervous breakdown before some years ago and thought as well about leaving, but to go off and leave them alone with their mother, to whom they know and love and respect, I think could cause you to grow apart and forever seperate your family, in love and trust. At least try and have a go at talking with them, you could very well be surprised that they could be very supportive of you and, if I can say so, is a better option than leaving them without a word that could cause a rift that will only end in alienating those you obviously care about down the line.
  8. Tigger70

    Tigger70 New Member

    My mind understands what you are saying but my emotions tell me different. I can't sleep or think straight anymore. I know I should stay around but I think it is best that I go I just need to make sure that I am successful the first time. Thanks for your posts. Even though I know you guys are right I just need to make this pain stop it is too much to bear........
  9. spot

    spot Member

    I agree with everyone else here, seek help straight away. I can bet you that your kids couldn’t care what they have to deal with as long as it means you are still around. I can tell you this from experience. My mum had/has some mental health problems namely BPD and depression. Long story short there were some really bad times when I was younger, but I never once for a second blamed her for them. I knew she wasn’t well and I loved her all the more. I was so scared sometimes that I would lose her, it was my biggest fear but she always promised me in calmer times that she would never do anything stupid and that was the only thing that mattered to me. I was able to carry on because of that. It would have destroyed me to lose her and all in all I handled it pretty well anyway. Kids can be way more resilient than you think.
    Now 10 years on she is almost a completely changed person and one of my best friends, and although I don’t like to worry her with my mental health stuff she honestly is one of the only things that holds me here. Just think, how do you know that (if you were gone) you might not have been the last thing one of your kids had to hold on to. If everything else had gone to c*** for them- at least they would’ve still had you...

    I hope you can find the strength to beat this and find someone to help you
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